Thoughts Unleashed.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Realization

It wasn't till I was called out to the front to be prayed for, it wasn't till we had an Industry Training briefing that I realize that I'm going to leave this place, soon. I'm going to leave my campus life, soon. Just like many of our past seniors, life will continue to move on once we move away. Some are never heard again, some once in a while. They continue with their lives, MMU will continue with its.

I remember when I first came in. Jack Ling and Jason Ding were the two seniors which I'm closest with, one of the reasons being that I started to join actstream with them. and then there was Daniel Tan, Ndibu, and more. They seem so old, so respectable. Looking at them, the feeling I had was they are really big kokor and big cheh cheh. So mature.

And now I'm in the same boat they used to be. And I don't think I'm even living up to the name 'final year student'. I mean, I don't feel like so old, so mature or watever. I'm just the same me. Was it just me, or am I really disappointing myself, and my juniors? I don't know. When I was young, when I pictured myself turning 21, I imagined that I would have been a young adult, maybe being able to drive around in KL, maybe with a girlfriend ( :P) , and so on...so on...But when I turned 21, nothing. I was quite depressed actually on my 21st birthday, if anyone remembered. I felt that I had been such a loser. I guessed turning 22, 23, the feeling became numb already. hah.

As I stood with the others during CF that day, a feeling of proud and regret overcame me. Proud that we are heading the finishing line in this chapter of our lives together, and yet regret as it's ending. 3rd semester will be the moment where all of us will 'reunite' for the last time. You know that kind of feeling, when you stepped into MMU, and you looked over your shoulder, and there's everyone? Now, it's stepping out of MMU, and everyone's still there. It's like we made it, together. But gradually, most of them will fade away, one by one, when we continue our own journey.

Well, come to think of it, I've grown a lot. How? well, I not too sure myself. heh. I'm coming to an end to another chapter in my life, in the near future. I don't know what it will be like, when I leave. My closest friend during my secondary school life became my most distant friend. My normal friends during those times became one of my closest friends here. Everything is not known.

I'm going to work in penang soon. I'm no more a 'student' for the moment.I'm into that class of 'working' people soon. The realization has started to sink in. Took me longer, but its on to me now.


sighs.

Realization

It wasn't till I was called out to the front to be prayed for, it wasn't till we had an Industry Training briefing that I realize that I'm going to leave this place, soon. I'm going to leave my campus life, soon. Just like many of our past seniors, life will continue to move on once we move away. Some are never heard again, some once in a while. They continue with their lives, MMU will continue with its.

I remember when I first came in. Jack Ling and Jason Ding were the two seniors which I'm closest with, one of the reasons being that I started to join actstream with them. and then there was Daniel Tan, Ndibu, and more. They seem so old, so respectable. Looking at them, the feeling I had was they are really big kokor and big cheh cheh. So mature.

And now I'm in the same boat they used to be. And I don't think I'm even living up to the name 'final year student'. I mean, I don't feel like so old, so mature or watever. I'm just the same me. Was it just me, or am I really disappointing myself, and my juniors? I don't know. When I was young, when I pictured myself turning 21, I imagined that I would have been a young adult, maybe being able to drive around in KL, maybe with a girlfriend ( :P) , and so on...so on...But when I turned 21, nothing. I was quite depressed actually on my 21st birthday, if anyone remembered. I felt that I had been such a loser. I guessed turning 22, 23, the feeling became numb already. hah.

As I stood with the others during CF that day, a feeling of proud and regret overcame me. Proud that we are heading the finishing line in this chapter of our lives together, and yet regret as it's ending. 3rd semester will be the moment where all of us will 'reunite' for the last time. You know that kind of feeling, when you stepped into MMU, and you looked over your shoulder, and there's everyone? Now, it's stepping out of MMU, and everyone's still there. It's like we made it, together. But gradually, most of them will fade away, one by one, when we continue our own journey.

Well, come to think of it, I've grown a lot. How? well, I not too sure myself. heh. I'm coming to an end to another chapter in my life, in the near future. I don't know what it will be like, when I leave. My closest friend during my secondary school life became my most distant friend. My normal friends during those times became one of my closest friends here. Everything is not known.

I'm going to work in penang soon. I'm no more a 'student' for the moment.I'm into that class of 'working' people soon. The realization has started to sink in. Took me longer, but its on to me now.


sighs.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Testimony

I'll just make this sweet and short. I'm here just to say how Jesus came through for me for last week, which is till now one of the toughest weeks I've faced this semester. Last week, I had to submit 2 huge assignments and give 1 presentation. First is an VLSI assignment involving VHDL language, next is the BATBOT project, involving building a circuit and integrating it to a remote toy car for it to do certain things.

Was asking God to help me go through this week. Check out how God answers prayers.

VLSI assignment submission was supposed to be due on Wednesday. And the lecturer required an oral test too. On Tuesday, he announced in class that the submission date will be postphoned one day later. Oh yeah, and he canceled all our oral tests. :)

On Thursday, we had to prepare for a grueling presentation by a lecturer who finds delight in tormenting students with difficult questions :P After only sleeping 4 hours the night before working on the VLSI assignment, I was not prepared at all. I anticipated that I would be fired left, right, center. As we waited at the lecture room, suddenly our OTHER lecturer came in, and asked us to start presenting. We were all stunned. This other lecturer is the kind soul who never asks so much questions. hehe. We weren't supposed to have him. But, we did. :) We didn't know how come he took over that day. For me, it's an intervention by God.


Next up, is our BATBOT project. All our group members had panda eyes working on the project. Actually, hehe...till now our group can be said to be one of the slowest in progress. Other groups had solder everything nicely, fix the circuit onto the car and all. We were way behind everyone. We finally managed get the car working by 3am friday morning. Presentation was at 11am. I went back, but they stayed back perfecting it till 8am. When I reached at 10am something, all I could see were gloomy faces. The car wouldn't work!! We coudln't figure out why. We decided to re-do the circuit. Sweating cold sweat. We were last to present cos we asked others to go first. Finally, we still couldn't get it working. Anyway, we were real disappointed and just brought it to the lecturer la to present. I was prayin that a miracle happen. when we connected the power supply, lo and behold, WHOA! The familiar sound of the whirling of the wheels can be heard! The car suddenly worked!! All of us were stunned. To cut it all short, we presented it in front of everyone too. It's cool when people watch our car do cool stuff. hehe. My group mates know that I am a Christian. Before that they were half-jokingly asking me to pray that the car works. At the end some of them admitted that my God is 'hor-liao'. ( keng-chao) :) :)

Hmm..this turned out to be quite long. haha. Anyway, God came through for me. Some may say it's all coincidence. Well, for me it's not. When your mom gives you pocket money, when your dad gives you a t-shirt, you don't say it's 'coincidence' that they 'accidentally' gave it to you. You call that love. And my God loves me more than all these.

Just a lil encouragement. Nothing beats experiencing God in your own way. It's yours. No one can take it from you. Once you taste and see that the Lord is good, you wouldn't need to ask so many questions. :) Pray that you will experience God. I'm sure you'll have that chance.


Ciaoz.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Best Thing

It's new. And I'm proud of it. And it's my own I've experience. This is it. My second song. I wouldn't mind singing it. Somehow I took up the guitar, and the melody and words just flow. Some songs I've been trying to work on so long, but it just hits a dead end. This song is special. :)
Looking forward to develope it with Amplify. This is it.

Best Thing

verse:
This world keeps spinning round and round
It's turning me upside down
Will I make it through the day?

The sky is glooming, the clouds are grey
I'm feeling so helpless, I wanna be free
Will someone come and save the day?

Pre-Chorus:

You are always the same
You love will never change

Chorus:
I lost my way You loved me still
Always, always
When things go wrong, You're there for me
Always, always
I'll trust in You through darkest nights
My prayer, my prayer
Jesus Christ You're the best thing in my life

verse2:
I'll walk through darkness
I'll walk through torns
Knowing you are my side
The sun will shine cos You are there

Bridge:
I'll trust in you through darkness nights....

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Crawling Through

This week is worst than last week. 1 source code assignment to pass up on wednesday, which has oral test as well. Another hardware on friday. We're behind time. Circuits all still on breadboard...supposed to be soldered already. Need to model it tmr...need to solder it asap...test out sensors...test the car...source code....need to study it.....need to make report......need to go oral test....need...nneed.......*drowning*....I need to focus....stay calm..steady......steady.....I will pull through....I can't face failure again....I need to pull through....I won't repeat my mistakes....I will not lose.....Lord where are you.....Stretch out your hand....please.....

Friday, September 09, 2005

Life so far, bands, and re-discovery

Well. It's been quite a few weeks I can say. Especially for FYP guys. Stress and tension brings out colorful characters into people. In this week I've experienced stress( at certain times. eheh.) , disappointment, anxiety, and frustration.

I've got to re-discover something recently. Sometimes it's nice to hear someone coming up to you and telling how they've managed to achieve something, how they're gonna do something great n stuff. On one hand I'm happy for them. But on the other hand, just hearing from them also reminds me of my failures, my struggles. Things which I've tried to achieve but yet failed. It's like you've been trying for so long to achieve something, and ur friend comes up to you and said they did it on the first try. For sometime I've managed to give a smile back and say 'congrats' and 'not bad'. But sometimes when I'm not in it, I'm not Mr nice guy anymore.


Do I put people off with my attitude sometimes? Am I snappy? Though I wouldn't want to believe it, I think some people would say 'yes'. :P And one thing I re-discovered recently. My facial expression is the best lie-detector in me. Somehow whenever I'm distress or something, no matter how i try to hide it, someone would come up to me and say' hey, you look a mess. you ok ar? ' It's not tat I purposely put it on. I just can't put on a happy face when actually it's the opposite. I cant lie to my face. haha. watever.


On a brighter side, Amplify made it's first appearance in public yesterday. It's the FOM bbq night. Wasnt wat I dreamnt of a 'first appearance', but it'll have to do. :P ' By your side' made its debut. It's the first time and last time I'll ever sing in public. I just can't sing. I sound like donald duck. After the song, people come up to me with 2 comments: " 1. ) I didn't know you so emo. 2.) Nice song. " hehe. thanks. And I appreciate it that people didn't actually say tat I sound like a duck. muahaha. don't worry. no need to console or anything. I'm not sad. hehe.


Ok. I'm emo... Yes, yes I know your reaction now. ' Oh, one of those guyss..' I thought it was ok until when suddenly people started making it into some four-letter-word. Ok la. a *biiitttt....* emo only la. ok? ^_^ anyways. I'm coming up with my next song soon. And it's totally different from my first. no more ballads about trying to chase *ahem* people. This one's a rocker.


I'm going to penang soon!! \ ^_^ / . One of the reasons I decided to go so far away for my internship, it's also because I need a break. From everything. Cyber. People I usually mix with. Church too. ( don't panic. :D I'll b attending my home church and the church there laaa...hiyoh. ) I guess since I'm starting something new in my 'studies', I might as well overhaul everything. Staying with my AS guys. As I've said before. My life is coming to one big circle. Just like those days at edmerald park. :) Simply wonderful. On the other hand, pray for me that I won't backslide k. hehe. I can't wait to start everything new.

Ok la. enough of talking for the moment.

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My favourite drum setting. Never been able to play it like tat before though. It's quite rare. The only drummer in a band I've seen using this setting is Red Hot Chilli Peppers. That also is during the old days. He's changed his setting now.

Ok la. This is my life as it is now.