Haunted

In the back of mind, a question kept popping up in my head before I went. " Would you regret it?"
I thought I'm ok. I thought I was fine. It was all cool at first.

I went back feeling so frustrated, frustrated, irritated...a sort of feeling I've never had in a long time.

And I thought after getting a good rest, everything will be fine again. But why is it still haunting me? Why did I tossed and turned in my bed in a sleepless night? I sat up in the darkness, trying to shake off the screams and songs that were played. It kept playing in my head cruelly.

Yes, I know if wanna make it big we've gotta face disappointments before, we need to start practicing, bla bla.....cut the crap.

I look at my band members, other than my hometown friend, all of them are holding important responsiblities. Good ones. No offence, but holding too many eggs in your hand, sure they will drop. You either drop it, or forget about it.

2ndly, nobody has enough skills. admit it. Nobody can even start a simply groove during free jamming session. personal skills. Wanna make it big? Improve on it, YOURSELF. The hard way or whatever. I'm not saying I'm skillful, but I can at least say I've improved as a drummer ever since I took up my sticks here at cyberjaya since beta year. I couldn't do it myself, I had my 'si fu' David Gary training me. Through the hard way or another. Nobody would understand how I felt all those years of 'humbling' times. But he's a really good friend, and still my si fu. Always bringing out the best in me whenever we played together.

finally, something which I'm also disappointed to jot down. After yesterday, I don't think I'll ever have the time for it. Sure, I would like to work on everything. This semester is heavy on me. I'm taking an extra subject too. Huge assignments have started pouring in. Mid terms a-coming are a sign of 'no-more-happy-days.' I have FYP to worry about.

I'm lagging behind already. By a LOT. and cyberjaya is not a friendly place for bands. just the ratio of cyberjaya bands to malacca bands last night have said it. Trips to studios sucks up time, energy, and money. if we had maybe a nice studio by street mall, it would be a different tune altogether. I'm guessing it's easier for malacca bands, where it's not isolated from anywhere else. pg 165 have their youth centre. or their church.

The odds are heavily stacked, against us. At least, for me. I guess maybe it's time for me to keep my drum sticks into my bag. The only thing consoling me, which I cling on oh even more dearly now, is that I still, still have the chance to pull out my drum sticks and play it to my Father above. Everytime as I sit on my sit behind the drums in church, I always say a lil prayer before we start rocking. God always replies by saying " Dance for me on the drums."

At least, I get to dance on the drums.