Fighting myself

I need to learn to cope with knowing there will always be someone better than me, that there's always someone in a better place than I am.

I'm not a typical kiasu fella, if you know me. I don't demand much. I don't always complain about things. In fact, I always accept things as they are and try to live with it.

but..

I feel a strange uneasiness when I see my friends working in better companies, better working conditions, more challenging jobs.

I feel jealousy, and frustration especially when it comes to band matters. I feel those when I see my friends rocking so well in other bands when I'm stuck with what I have and I can't move on no matter what I try. And most of them didn't even try. They just got 'roped in' somehow and started to flow.

Bah.

Maybe work is making me feel like this.

I hate my work place. I'm not learning much, and I'm not doing anything most of the time. I'm doing pathethic work like simple documentations, and it's #$%@#$% when the technicians there don't even acknowledge my existence. When nobody's around, then only they ask me to get watever tools they have from the workshop and @#$%% works.

Being idle makes your mind go crazy. I was so desperate that I actually went to my supervisor and asked for projects and work to do. JUST GIVE ME ANY $%#%# WORK TO DO. ANYTHING. I'LL EVEN WASH THE TOILETS OR SWEEP THE FLOOR. He asked me to wait. yea right. I waited till worked ended. Nothing.

My company treats trainess like sh*t. They only think that trainees are 'just being there so that they can complete their course'. I've spoken to the trainees from other Uni's. It's the same. Engineers there do not involve us in their work. We're not exposed to a life of an engineer at all. How ironic it is when after going for industrial training, we still have no idea what it's like to be an engineer.

My department is the worse. I've hardly learnt anything which can help me in my major. And I'm going crazy. I'll never go back to this @#$@# company.

Oh yea, I'm sick and tired of people commenting that about emo blogs. If you hate blogs which are emotional then get out of here and go read other blogs which have all facts and 'rasional thinking'. ok?