when the waves come crashing down

Feeling depressive. I get touchy and irritated easily nowadays. Life is not a breeze now. I feel like waves crashing down on me.

Maybe it's the rainy weather here.

Work is like death slowly eating me away. Imagine this. It's break time during work. Same old food again. 5 of us trainees will sit at the same table we sit everyday. Nobody says a word. Everyone just sits and eat watever they have on their plate and ciao. Nobody starts a conversation. Even if they're not eating, they just sit there. Stone.There's nothing to talk about. There's nothing to say.

I feel like working in a grave yard. The usually cheerful me has gradually vanished. To add on with the idleness I face during work, I'm going crazy. Till now, I try to keep myself sane with activities after work. I spend money booking studios to jam, to practice drums. Try going out with people. When even these little comforts are gone from me, I'm left with nothing else. Imagine working in a hell hole for 9 and half hours everyday, and come back to nothing.

I dunno.

The people here who are still in contact with me in penang might see me still making jokes and stuff. But in reality I'm turning into a monster. Irritiation and frustration has caused me to sin. sighz.

sometimes I wanna share it with somebody. But I can't unless that person is special to me. And I can't share also if I'm not special to that someone. It's not wrong to be close with many people. good for that person. But I don't wanna be 'just another of these people' you're close to.I don't wanna be another statistic. that's why whenever I feel like opening up, I close up immediately. It's like giving someone your most precious and favorite dish to taste, and the same person also giving back his or hers, but the difference is many others have tasted that dish too. I feel cheap.

Bah.

all you people who are doing well in wherever you are, my thumbs up to you.

I'll just go eat worms and die.