My Becoming

A few days at home, a few days away from my other 'home'.
Feels like eternity has passed.

It's hard. To choose. To decide.
I close my eyes, and I try to imagine. I fantasize. I dream.

..What would I become? ..

It's like watching television. Flipping thru the channels..

You see something, you like..
You see something else, you like it too..

Looking at my options..
I am a ambitious guy.
Sometimes it's good. sometimes it's not so good too.

Don't really know where I'm heading.
Don't really know what's gonna happen.
There's a lot of ' I wonders' ..and 'What If's'

I look to the left. I turn to my right.
I look at you. and you. and you.
And I think. Should I be like you?
Should I follow you?

and I think of you.
and you remind me of me.
a 'me', few years back..few months back..
maybe time will bring you becoming me.
the now of me..

Ah..
The long and windy road..
No one walks it but you alone..
Sometimes you hear your family, your friends cheering you on..
Sometimes you don't.

We always get to eat the same medicine we dish out to others..
*Value the people you de-value most, eh? *

I will not be proud enough to be humble.
Teach me, to feed on the pie of humility.

Hey You..
Where should I go?
You were always there, weren't You?
I'm so stupid. So, so stupid...
I gaze towards the skies.
dearly beloved, won't You shine Your light..
on this dark and narrow path I'm in..
heh..it's been a long time..huh..
that I'm stuck in this..

It's ok...
I've learnt patience..
It's ok..
I've tasted suffering. I've tasted loneliness.
It's ok..
I've tasted humiliation. I've tasted discouraging words.
It's ok..

Anxiety comes creeping in.
I'm anticipating. I feel it coming soon.
I'm getting restless.
I don't know where's all this taking me.
But it's the beginning, of my becoming...

Ja.