Where I wanna be

I wanna be sitting there... On the choir now...maybe its a good thing...But my body itches to hold the sticks..and give it a whack..sighz....My time will come...I hope..

Felt down today. Sure, there were smiles and a bit of laughter. But deep down felt a void within my heart. It's like something is missing...and I'm pretending that it's ok..but it's not....something's wrong with me....

Are there 'almost personal' friends in our lives? It's like a person can be so warm towards you...and keeps asking you about you....and you feel like you can share your entire world to that person...and then the next moment when you ask for advice or anything the person just treats you like you're just a normal friend again....know what I'm saying? heh.

I've shifted my PC out to the hall. Really enjoyed the privacy I had during my stay in Penang, so having my pc out here alone is almost the same I hope. Though it's the hallway, being alone here gives me time and space, and keeps me from distractions.

Internship hasn't left me at all. It's still with me. I've changed my thinking...the way I live...the way I treat people ..all this...because of the impact of my time in PG..Wonder why they nvr ask me to share in CF. nah. Good thing anyway. I probably wouldn't have so many wonderful good stories or testimonies to share. Probably I'd scare everyone with the realities and the type of life I experience outside the protected shield of the CF.

I've come to a point where the number of friends I have doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm looking for true friendship. You can have lotsa friends but they go missing when you need them the most. Yes. You probably heard this dozen of times. I did. But when you experience it by yourself, then only you'd comprehend the meaning and weight of those words.

You know what I always wish to do but never had the chance to? I always wish that I can just lepak with a friend...just the two of us...yes..you who are reading this......mebe we can lie down and see the stars...and just talk about anything...be it personal or not...our dreams...struggles..heh...But I dunno why...mebe there's too much activity around...everyone seems so busy...and if they're not sitting in front of their pc they feel weird...I dunno....

Dowanna make this sound mushy...but when I came uni I always thought that I'd find someone...to love...and to love me back....but not everything will turn out the way you hope for right?

Everything seems to point to God.
God I need you.
I'm messed up. I messed myself up.

Too many thoughts...too many confusions....doubts....choices.....

Have a nice day.