Grace
Have you ever experience...like...your walk with God became too smooth? It's like your devotion time with God has become natural in your lifestyle, and everything is smooth sailing, you serve God in church, you're learning stuff from sermons and quiet time...bla bla...nothing much happening...
and sometimes it can come to a point where you become complacent with God...and u get 'gatal' and restless...and you ask God for 'stuff' to happen in your life...ever did that before?
Ok. take it from me. try not to do that next time. heh. :p
I kinda did that.
I'm sharing this, not because of anything, but for only one reason, that is to say how God is real to me. It's not something I'm proud of. But then again, Jesus deserves this more than my shame.
I was barred from finals because of my attendance. It was 70%. As we only have 20 classes, only one more attendance to class would have made it to 75%. Last wednesday me and a friend went to the assoc. dean's office to appeal. Anyone would have understood it, a final year student, with one last semester and 70% record, an appeal wouldn't be such of a problem. We went in quiet confident.
He didn't wanna approve us. FYP wasn't an excuse. He just didn't wanna. We gave all the reasons. He didn't wanna except. We would have to approach our lecturer. My heart sank. Everything just flashed before me. After so far, I couldn't grad???
We went to find our lecturer. He wasn't really kind enough either. Our mid terms weren't good. So, suddenly he yanked out a piece of white paper, gave it to us, and said" Ok. Write down chapter 5." I was like...whAT?? I coudln't recall anything. Partly cause I didn't really pay attention in class. And even if I did, I'm not so good enough to write down stuff so spontaneously.
I coudln't write a single thing. One hour sitting there, he asked me chapter after chapter. Midterms. I can't remember a thing though I studied for it. It was like 2,3, months ago? It was like the longest hour in my life. In my heart I was literally begging God to get me through. Well, I didn't make that quiz. After appealing and begging, he gave me a 2nd chance. He gave me two hours to study all six chapters. Come back to his office after that, and take the quiz again.
I have my FYP presentation that day later in the evening. My slides needs patching up. I haven't gone through my theories. ..
You know, when situations get bad, sometimes you feel like you can still come out of it? sometimes you feel like you can still a glimpse of light? But as it gets worse, you find the glimpse slowly becoming dimmer, and comes to the part where all hope is lost. And all strength is drawn from you cos you feel so hopeless. I only felt that once before in my life.
6 chapters in two hours. Knowing that if you can't make it through the next quiz, you might not graduate. Knowing that you might see all your friends graduating and you have to stay back. The mental stress is overwhelming. And somemore, studying engineering has been my weakness all this 4 years. It's like using your weakness to save your worst problem.
I'm not a person who really shares his problem so easily to everyone. I always don wanna 'mafan' people. But this time, I had to call up people to pray for me and intercede for me. Actually it was 2 people. heh. not many too.
Back to the story. I tried to cram in as much as I could. I called up people to teach me. Fast. I still managed to keep a certain amount of calm during that time. 2pm I went back. Again. blank paper. This time. all 6 chapters. I scribbled as much as I could. Then he started asking questions. Specific questions. How could I answer? 6 chapters in two hours. I could only cover general stuff...I was speechless.
How could I possibly come out of this situation?
Well. There were two others there. One fella sitting beside me started begging non stop and appealing. I wanted to chip in, but didn't have the chance. So I kept quiet. So he went on and one and on. It went like half an hour. And when I thought it's gone case. Suddenly the lecturer said " Ok. Can you promise me that you study up and see me next week? Then I will find an excuse to help unbar you."
Of course say yes la. Then he looked at me, and said the same thing. Of course say yes again la.
So he highlighted our names. And said ok.
...........
My war wasn't over. I couldn't rejoice yet. I looked at my watch. 3.15pm. Presentation at 4.20pm. I rushed back. Touched up my slides. Went over it in like 10 mins. Rushed for my presentation.
Before presentation, there was problem wif the USB port. Computer couldn't read my slides. All the problem of emailing it actually delayed my presentation for 10 mins. The moderator and supervisor had to sit and wait for me. For anyone, it would be disastrous. But after getting so much impact already for that day, heh, I was just too numbed to care.
I expected the worst actually. From the previous presentation, I was shot down by the moderator left,right, centre, till I wanted to give up presenting even though I haven't finished. I was prepared to just say' Sir, I don't know' if I really don't know.
The Presentation went smoothly. Too smoothly. Partly was because they were really tired. And, when the moderator started asking questions, guess what, my supervisor answered for me!! I didn't answer a single question!! He even took out a piece of paper, and drawed some stuff explaining it to my moderator. heh..
After the presentation, I went to the previous lecturer's office. He said I was unbarred. Everything was ok...
........
I just wanna say, that I got something I didn't deserve. Yes. It was my fault that I didn't attend class. It was also my fault that I didn't touch up my slides earlier. My fault that I didn't really follow the class syllabus.
But God came and rescue me. Only by grace and mercy, that I came out alive from the situation. My parents were fasting for me. There were people praying for me. I couldn't remember how many times I begged God to get me through.
And Jesus came and rescue me.
It really is a miracle, how I got through it. I'm just so thankful. I know when people share about how God has been real to their lives, some people tend to feel left out..I know the feeling.. I get it too..But remember this, that don't give up expecting God to show up real in your life..cos He will.He wants to...don't give up. :) And when you experience it, share it to others. As an encouragement...to yourself, and to others...and you will experience praising God in a whole new different way...you will feel closer to Him, like He's your best pal..:)..And you wouldn't trade Him for anything else..:)
Oh ya, next time, be careful when you ask God for...erm..'stuff' or 'excitement' to happen in your life. Oh, He'll give it to you alright. :) nahh..just joking...heh..What's life without a lil pinch of salt? :P
and sometimes it can come to a point where you become complacent with God...and u get 'gatal' and restless...and you ask God for 'stuff' to happen in your life...ever did that before?
Ok. take it from me. try not to do that next time. heh. :p
I kinda did that.
I'm sharing this, not because of anything, but for only one reason, that is to say how God is real to me. It's not something I'm proud of. But then again, Jesus deserves this more than my shame.
I was barred from finals because of my attendance. It was 70%. As we only have 20 classes, only one more attendance to class would have made it to 75%. Last wednesday me and a friend went to the assoc. dean's office to appeal. Anyone would have understood it, a final year student, with one last semester and 70% record, an appeal wouldn't be such of a problem. We went in quiet confident.
He didn't wanna approve us. FYP wasn't an excuse. He just didn't wanna. We gave all the reasons. He didn't wanna except. We would have to approach our lecturer. My heart sank. Everything just flashed before me. After so far, I couldn't grad???
We went to find our lecturer. He wasn't really kind enough either. Our mid terms weren't good. So, suddenly he yanked out a piece of white paper, gave it to us, and said" Ok. Write down chapter 5." I was like...whAT?? I coudln't recall anything. Partly cause I didn't really pay attention in class. And even if I did, I'm not so good enough to write down stuff so spontaneously.
I coudln't write a single thing. One hour sitting there, he asked me chapter after chapter. Midterms. I can't remember a thing though I studied for it. It was like 2,3, months ago? It was like the longest hour in my life. In my heart I was literally begging God to get me through. Well, I didn't make that quiz. After appealing and begging, he gave me a 2nd chance. He gave me two hours to study all six chapters. Come back to his office after that, and take the quiz again.
I have my FYP presentation that day later in the evening. My slides needs patching up. I haven't gone through my theories. ..
You know, when situations get bad, sometimes you feel like you can still come out of it? sometimes you feel like you can still a glimpse of light? But as it gets worse, you find the glimpse slowly becoming dimmer, and comes to the part where all hope is lost. And all strength is drawn from you cos you feel so hopeless. I only felt that once before in my life.
6 chapters in two hours. Knowing that if you can't make it through the next quiz, you might not graduate. Knowing that you might see all your friends graduating and you have to stay back. The mental stress is overwhelming. And somemore, studying engineering has been my weakness all this 4 years. It's like using your weakness to save your worst problem.
I'm not a person who really shares his problem so easily to everyone. I always don wanna 'mafan' people. But this time, I had to call up people to pray for me and intercede for me. Actually it was 2 people. heh. not many too.
Back to the story. I tried to cram in as much as I could. I called up people to teach me. Fast. I still managed to keep a certain amount of calm during that time. 2pm I went back. Again. blank paper. This time. all 6 chapters. I scribbled as much as I could. Then he started asking questions. Specific questions. How could I answer? 6 chapters in two hours. I could only cover general stuff...I was speechless.
How could I possibly come out of this situation?
Well. There were two others there. One fella sitting beside me started begging non stop and appealing. I wanted to chip in, but didn't have the chance. So I kept quiet. So he went on and one and on. It went like half an hour. And when I thought it's gone case. Suddenly the lecturer said " Ok. Can you promise me that you study up and see me next week? Then I will find an excuse to help unbar you."
Of course say yes la. Then he looked at me, and said the same thing. Of course say yes again la.
So he highlighted our names. And said ok.
...........
My war wasn't over. I couldn't rejoice yet. I looked at my watch. 3.15pm. Presentation at 4.20pm. I rushed back. Touched up my slides. Went over it in like 10 mins. Rushed for my presentation.
Before presentation, there was problem wif the USB port. Computer couldn't read my slides. All the problem of emailing it actually delayed my presentation for 10 mins. The moderator and supervisor had to sit and wait for me. For anyone, it would be disastrous. But after getting so much impact already for that day, heh, I was just too numbed to care.
I expected the worst actually. From the previous presentation, I was shot down by the moderator left,right, centre, till I wanted to give up presenting even though I haven't finished. I was prepared to just say' Sir, I don't know' if I really don't know.
The Presentation went smoothly. Too smoothly. Partly was because they were really tired. And, when the moderator started asking questions, guess what, my supervisor answered for me!! I didn't answer a single question!! He even took out a piece of paper, and drawed some stuff explaining it to my moderator. heh..
After the presentation, I went to the previous lecturer's office. He said I was unbarred. Everything was ok...
........
I just wanna say, that I got something I didn't deserve. Yes. It was my fault that I didn't attend class. It was also my fault that I didn't touch up my slides earlier. My fault that I didn't really follow the class syllabus.
But God came and rescue me. Only by grace and mercy, that I came out alive from the situation. My parents were fasting for me. There were people praying for me. I couldn't remember how many times I begged God to get me through.
And Jesus came and rescue me.
It really is a miracle, how I got through it. I'm just so thankful. I know when people share about how God has been real to their lives, some people tend to feel left out..I know the feeling.. I get it too..But remember this, that don't give up expecting God to show up real in your life..cos He will.He wants to...don't give up. :) And when you experience it, share it to others. As an encouragement...to yourself, and to others...and you will experience praising God in a whole new different way...you will feel closer to Him, like He's your best pal..:)..And you wouldn't trade Him for anything else..:)
Oh ya, next time, be careful when you ask God for...erm..'stuff' or 'excitement' to happen in your life. Oh, He'll give it to you alright. :) nahh..just joking...heh..What's life without a lil pinch of salt? :P
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