Farewell..

..Why...this..way?

..Why..this time..?

My dearest uncle, goodbye and farewell.

You were my favorite uncle...though your life was full of scars and pain..
you loved us all the same..
though you had so little..
you always gave so much every time we met..

Every time I think of how you went..
My heart aches with pain and sadness..
You left without a loved one by your side..
All alone..just like you always were..

Maybe God decided it was time to end your loneliness..
I'll see you one day, uncle..

It's time for the dead the pass on,
and for the living to move on.
I choose..
I choose..to move on..

Goodbye and farewell..

*sniff*

My wish to you...

I won't be able to online or post anything till Christmas is over, so..


Have yourself a Merry, Meaningful Christmas~:)

A season of giving, where God gave His son for us..

It's been a while since I started learning about giving...
I've been a selfish brat for so long..

But I've learned to give...
And to give a lil' more..
And to give till it starts to hurt..

I've learnt that giving..
takes away all pride..
leaves you vulnerable to hurts..
questions your deepest intentions..
makes you feel stupid sometimes...
makes you look stupid sometimes..
teaches you to grow up...

I once told someone that real giving, is giving without expecting anything back, except to expect the best for the someone or something you gave to..

Then you won't lose the joy of giving..

And if you do, ever get something back in return, consider it a bonus..

I realized that I'm not a very expressive person..
Being brought up in a very chinese ed background has always taught men to not show any signs of weakness..
Sure, I can joke and be a clown anytime..
But the innermost feelings deep within my heart are well guarded I guess..

Thanks to you, you and you..
The pieces of this defensive wall have been chipping off slowly..
It's still there I guess..
I really don't know what you did..
But you've managed to make a big crack in one year what I've built in 24 years..

It's been a wonderful year..

Merry Christmas, everyone. don't forget that it isn't christmas, till it happens in your heart.

Ja.

Multi-No Task

Was wondering and giggling to myself the other day when reading one of Gim's books regarding men and women. Ah. One of things which made me laugh was how stupid men can be. Yep. Was laughing at myself. You laughing now rite? Haha. Ya ya I know. :p

One statement said something about how men can only do one thing at a time.

So true, man.

Ok let me reveal to you, that I reeally, reaaaly suck in multi-tasking. And I'm amazed how gals can do it.

Below are examples which happened to me before:

1.) Was making coffee+milo one day when I was deep in thought about something. Ok. put in coffee. Next, coffee mate. *mind wanders off* ok, sugar. next, milo. Next, coffee. Eh wait. Did I put in coffee? Erm. got dark color powder. Was that milo or coffee? Aiyak. How. Erm. nvm lar. hentam coffee in again just in case lar..

Turned out to be a super kao nes-lo that day.

2.) call it dumb, but if I were to watch and concentrate on a movie, I can't really eat at the same time. A few times when I were to munch on something nice, my mind just switches to" wow, delicious!!" then....oh cwap...wat was it that that dude said just now? I have to rewind that again...hahah..

3.) missing a turning. That happens to me if I'm deep in thought. and it's not even a new area. It's the way back home man!! HAhah...once I missed a turning into USJ n had to pay toll twice just to make a U turn. Aihhh...

4.) Entering wrong toll. Was on hands free talking to someone when unknowingly I entered the tunai toll instead of the touch n go toll. Silly me.

Sighs. I think I shall stop now. This is getting depressing. Please don make fun of me. :(

It's a miracle how gals can chat, watch a movie, do assignment and talk to u on the phone at the same time. Seriously. I find it like...FASCINATING.

I can't even do anything else if I'm on da phone. Music on is a distraction. No eating. No nothing.
If not, I might say something stupid or I might not listen to what the person's saying.

All the gals out there. I salute u. U KENG.

At least I can still pee and whistle at the same time ok..

Ja.

Pressure

Am under enormous pressure.

Boss called me into his office yesterday.

Boss: A piece of paper showing my sales figure was lying on the desk. "Your sales figure for 5 months is just this. This does not justify how much I pay you."

Me:......

Boss: "Tell me what is your problem?"

Me:.....(explains )

Boss:.."6 months probation...you're entering your 5th month. I'm gonna monitor you closely for the next 2 months. I'm willing to invest in manpower. But not for long term if your sales figure stays like that.."

I won't go into the details about everything..

For a second there I thought I was gonna lose the job.

It's just that..facing a lot of pressure..

I..neeed to close deals...~~

Ya I know part and parcel of sales is working under pressure. Trying to cope with it. Trying to turn it around.

Many a times I just had to take a walk downstairs, outside the office to get away from everything. Just for a moment.

And sometimes stress breakers come in the funniest ways.

Was taking a breather downstairs after being 'fired' by my boss when out comes this malay colleague of mine. He's our store keeper/runner. 30 something years old with 2 kids.

Mr K: "Hallooo...joshuaaa...apa lu buat kat sini?"
Me: " Tak ada ape laa...lepak sajer sini...lu mau pigi mana?"
Mr K:" Mau pigi service van laa.."
Suddenly he spots a another van parked outside blocking his van.
Mr K: " WAh!! K*n Ni Na Bo *@#%^@@@!!!@##$$%%^^&&&^%%$#$**&^%%%$%$ .."

I burst out in a loud chuckle.

I dunno why. heh. He learnt to speak 'hokkien' when 2 plumbers came to our company trying to fix a pipe when one of it burst.

*It's been 4 days since..*

Dear Papa God

Dear Papa God,

I.need.you.in.my.work.

:(

It sucks to think that you actually suck in the thing which you thought you were good at.

The Talk

It's the 2nd time we had a talk like this. And everytime we finish, I end up with so many more questions. So many more frustrations.

From your point of view, I look like a total fool, don't I? Heck, it's not only you that thinks that way I guess. You've managed to convince even me.

*Is it all worth it?*

No offense to anyone. No grudges. Don't hold anything personal here...

You think that I'm stupid. Sticking around with same people who you think can take me no where. I'm not accusing you. It's kinda true. I still felt like we haven't moved anywhere though it's already been more than a year.

A year.

Such a long time. What have we done? Where have we been?

You certainly have improved tremendously. Kudos.

But..

Where are the rest...?

'you can't go anywhere with them. Cos, most of the time you will be picking up their pieces. you're doing everything. '

Even you noticed eh?

I don't understand.
I look around, and there are people who are still the same 5 years ago. How can you say it's your passion when you haven't moved??

After the lessons learnt, in botb..haven't anything gone thru?

I'm tired of yapping and taking in all these stuff at the same time.
Tired of putting in and bearing it all, and have the simple horrible truth shoved in my face every now and then.
I just wanna break out.

I'm not sticking cos I'm a good guy.
I'm sticking cos I'm obeying the One above.

He taught me a valuable lesson about heart and spirit above technique.

He didn't tell me who to stick with tho..

One day, if God decides to bring in better people..
People who won't take so long to do His work..

I.might.just.leave.

I'm just doing His work ain't I?

Ja.

All roads lead to KL

Yup. Not rome. KL.
Been driving 4 months now. All I can say is, I'm fascinated at how the road system works. All if not most roads DO lead to KL. I'm talking about the major highways. Federal, NKVE, NPE, Kerinchi, Penchala..even Kesas. Drive along, and you'll end up in KL, question is which part of KL.

My job requires me to 'go places'. Till now, most of the times all I'm given is an address, and if lucky, a location map. For a kampung kid who used to ride bikes in a padi field, wandering around this concrete jungle doesn't really resemble my home. I was freaked out the first time my boss asked me to go 'solo'. When I was driving during uni years, all I knew was the way to go to acts church. That was it. Federal highway felt like a faraway never never land. LDP was THE highway.

And now, I was given a hand drawn map, and asked to go to some unknown territory. So how? asked directions from my boss lor. Here's a sample of how it went:

Boss: " Ok, you know how to go to jalan duta?
Me: *shakes head*
Boss: " Erm, ok. You know the museum?"
Me: *shakes head*
Boss: " ERmmmmm...ritez. Ok. Midvalley you know right?"
Me: "Yea I know."
Boss: "Ok. From midvalley......"
Me: " But i dunno how to get there."
Boss: *smacks forehead*

Thank God for patient bosses. And bosses who is the master of all the roads around. That's right. Stupid right? I didn't know how to get to midvalley.

WAhahahah....


By the grace of God, till now, I've always managed to find the places though. First few times was really scary, but as I go and experiment more, the confidence builds up and you get better at recognising addresses and landmarks. The best experience was, I was supposed to locate a client at Jalan Pahang. Prior to that, my boss gave me a lengthy instruction on how to get there. Even drew a map for me. Problem was, he mentioned a jalan which wasn't on the road sign. So, when I reached the junction, imagine the chi kek-ness at deciding which way to go. Hehe. Still, it's a miracle how I managed to sniff out the place. Taking junctions by instinct, calculation and sometimes pure guessing.

I used to dread going KL. It's a crazy maze of roads, traffic lights and cars. But now I find it challenging. Recognising road names is a must to travel in KL. At least the famous wants. Jalan Duta, Jalan Pahang, Jalan Tun Ismail, Jalan Loke Yew, Jalan Pudu, Jalan Kuching, Jalan Bukit Bintang, just to name a few. Erm, actually these are the only roads I know by now. Hehe. So many more. Roundabouts too. The Pahang and Duta roundabouts are famous. Ppl usually give instructions from there onwards. The other day, I got so fed up, after seeing a customer, I jz spent the whole morning driving around aimlessly in KL, trying to memorize road names and landmarks. Oh, and burning up petrol too. hehe. Finished 500km in 4 days.

Going round selangor-kl is interesting I guess. Ppl could spent hours jz chatting about going places, and which road to take. So much more to learn. Welcome any feedback though.

Gtg. Soree for abrupt end.

Ja.