Wrestle

After talking to a friend, I find myself back to square one. An issue which I sometimes day dream or fantasize about. It's a question which occasionally bobs into my mind, and I somehow settle it, only to find it coming back at me 60 miles an hour. Yea. You can call it a wrestle.

Everyone's looking for a side income. Or at least, have ever considered finding extra means to get some cash. Direct sales, MLM, insurance, yada yada..it's all on the A list. Part timers, I'm talking about.

Talking about it is one thing. But to really do it is another thing. Cos really, after all the time spent in the office, not everyone is really keen to spend their remaining 'relaxation' time ploughing their hands into another pile of work. Some may start on fire, give em' a few months time, and you'll find a punctured tyre. Cos it robs you of the thing that keeps you sane in this working world: Rest.Friends. Family. And some entertainment. The stress-busters.

But what if you could earn the extra dough doing what you like best?

Yes. The thing I wrestle is, to fill my pockets using my drumsticks.

An old friend I know earns a 4-digit income just by teaching the electric guitar part time. Yea,yea..He's my Ampify-mate, cool and guitar master ol' friend la. You know him. Was talking to him over yam cha the other day. Sure it is quite hectic for him, but he said he doesn't really feel the stress, cos it's his passion anyway. Even after coming home from a day's work of guitar teaching and engineering, he still feels that he needs to take up his guitar, and just jazz the night away.

So I thought, how nice it will be, if I could just perform somewhere. Maybe 3,4 nights a week. They don't pay so low nowadays you know. If I could pocket a few hundred bucks a month playing what I love, why not? Morever, I could further improve my skills without having to find a jamming studio. And maybe I could even find some more contacts for future projects. Who knows. Though I'm not like super keng, but I think I could juuusst scrape by the minimal requirements to play in these scenes with some brushing up.

Truth is, I have been offered this opportunity before. And the reason I say 'no' to it was...I wanted to serve God with the gift He gave me. I have been. And I still will. I really believe it is what God gave me, regardless of what anyone would say. I was born with a good sense of rhythm, and good arm-leg coordination. I remember my first lessons. I was 11 years old. The drums looked so freakin' big that time. It was taught by a person from another church. You see, my church didn't even have the drums during that time. We had to go to FGC to learn it. So it was down to me, and 3 more older friends I had. I was the youngest.
I aced that class. Creamed the others. I played the 8-beat all by myself at the first lesson when everyone was just learning how to hold the sticks. HAha. Ok now I'm showing off. sorry.

Anyways. The reason why I always said 'no', was cos whenever I played, and it wasn't for Him, and it doesn't matter how big or how small the event was, I always leave the scene feeling empty. Feeling hollow. And when people come up to me saying'Good show', I smile and say 'thanks' but in my heart I was asking myself ' What are you doing?' So. settled. Play for God. Period.

But everytime I bury the issue, thinking it's finished, my itchy eyes tend to wander again. And yea..this blog comes to posting lor. It's a wrestle. Do you know how the outside people look at us? Me and my friend didn't really discuss the issue, but it was written all over his face the other day.
' Get out of your church activities. It's taking too much of your time.You're getting rusty, your music is getting nowhere.'

I still got it under control. I know what I'm doing. Where I'm heading. Why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's just that sometimes this issue pops up once in a while like lil' pimple. And you can't help but wrestle with it all over again.

Hey, all this aside. It kinda surprised me, but I actually miss my life in KL. Just can't wait to get my life back on track. It was a good rest. Had plenty of time to think. As usual. :P

I'm coming back tomorrow. I hope. Fingers crossed. Seeing doc for the last time tmr.If it's a green light then I'll be 'home' for dinner. :)

Please excuse the sudden high amount of postings for the past few days. It's raining here. Diana Krall's singing the blues from my speakers. What can ya expect?

Ja.

@Home

3 months into the job and I've already applied for MC.
5 years in uni and the worst I've ever gotten into was a minor motorbike accident which left me with skinned knees and hands. Oh yea. I still remember what pain meant that time. But let's not talk too much about it right now.
Ain't it interesting that right after I start work I hafta go through surgery? Hmm..God really must have a sense of humour.

For those of you working people, remember the good ol' times when you wake up in the morning with nothing to do and nothing to worry about?
Do you remember the times when it was the semester holidays, and you don't have to wake up rushing for work?
Do you remember the times when everything was carefree, and you lived life by the minute?
Yeap. I'm pretty much living it through again.

'Recuperating' at home. Or so it seems.
Just found out that they actually cut me up a good 3-4 cm.
Wound's healing.
Finally able to sit a lil bit better. But I naturally tend to sleep like a bit 'senget'. It still feels a lil bit uncomfortable, so I wake up in the morning and find my body slanting one side. Thank God it's not long term. Or I'll start to get unproportioned butt cheeks. hah.

Really wanna thank you for those who messaged me. And a bigger thank you for those who called. No offense to the rest, but I guess at times like these you realise who are the ones that really ever cared for you. There are 3 types of people in the world according to 'Joshua's theory'.
Haha. First is the one that can be your 'bestest' friend when you are around them. You gel together. You joke and laugh together as though nothing in the world can separate both of you. But when crisis comes they just vanish. PooF! Magic.
2nd is the one which hardly talks to you. When you're around them, they sometimes don't talk to you so much. You don't talk so often either. But when crisis comes, somehow they are there. And they appear out of nowhere. And they show a wonderful side of them which you've never seen before.
The 3rd is of course the bestest lot. The good combination of the first two. You gel with them well, and during crisis, they are also there for you. Nothing much to say about them. They are the ultimate champion.

Now don't feel offended if you feel that I'm categorizing my friends here. I'm also guilty of falling into category 1 sometimes. But this experience have made me wanna change all that. So, yea, just chill. Just take it as I'm-at-home-with-nothing-better-to-do syndrome. In fact, to cheer everyone up, I'll just reveal some funny things during my surgery. Yea. It's a set up I tell you. Got like bloopers some more.

This conversations actually took place.

scenario 1:
Me being wheeled into the surgery room.

Nurse: So your name is Joshua?
Me: Yes. See, see my tag.
Nurse:Oh yea. Your age is 23?
Me: Huh? What 23? 24 laaaaaaa.... See my tag la...(duhh..numb nurse)
Nurse: Oh yea, sorry, sorry.

scenario 2:
I met the assistant surgeon for the first time. An indian with lively eyes was what came in my mind the first time I saw him. Being wheeled into the operation theatre as this went on.

Surgeon: Hey, nice to meet you. (looks at me peculiarly)
Me: Hello.(meekly)
Surgeon: (squints his eyes a lil) Heeyy...Have we met before? You look reeeal familiar.
Me: (Great. He's gonna cut me open like a pig and he's tryin to be funny.) Erm. Nope. I don't think so.
Surgeon: (still doesn't believe) Hmmm...okay..................Hey, did you just have a kid??
Me: (WTH?!!) WAT? NoooO...You got the wrong person laaaa....( I can't believe it.We were talking as though it was over a cup of coffee for crying out loud!!)
Surgeon: Oh...okok...sorry I got the wrong person..heh.....
Me: ...........

This last scenario is the best of the lot.
Scenario 3:
Me being strapped up and everyone getting ready to 'work'

the SAME surgeon. inserting the needles. doing all the stuff.
Suddenly, he pauses. He looked at me and said this...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Surgeon: 'Hey, you indian or something?'
.
.
.
.
.
Yep. And for no apparent reason, I found myself replying this to him without thinking..

Me: (groggy and apparently fed up) I dunno la....Some people think I have mongolian blood....some people think I foreign....
.
.
.
Surgeon burst out laughing. I think next time up to my deathbed I might even crack up the undertaker or something.
My surgery is just above my butt. Talk about 'cracking' the surgeon up.

I feel a lil depress now.
I think I'll just go cry in my pillow now.

Ja.

Les Miserables

Miserable. :(
The pain is similiar to the accident I had last time.
It's the healing of tissue and skin at the same time.
I can't sleep straight.
I can't sit properly.
I can't walk too much.
I can't even bend down.

I noticed dried blood on my bandage.

It's not only the pain but the discomfort. Knowing that I can't move too vigorously for fear of hurting my wound.

I don't even know whether I can survive sitting in a bus for 5 hours back to KL.

I can't take a bath. Water will cause infection to the wound. Could only clean myself using a wet towel.

Pain...

KNIFE!

I went under the knife yesterday.
Surgery.

I had to remove a cyst just below my back. How and when it all started, I'll just spare the details now. A bit too lazy and in a lil pain now from my wound to explain the whole thing. It was all done in a day. From the consultation, to the blood test, ultrasound, warded, operating theatre, discharged.

Everything was still ok till two nurses came with a stretcher. It is time.

I changed into my operating gown. And they made me lie down and pushed me from 4th floor to 1st floor.

I remember gazing at the moving ceiling lights. The stares I got from everyone. Everyone always stares at a person on a stretcher.

Felt like a weakling.

Mum followed till the Operating Theatre. Once entered, everything felt different. It longer felt like a hospital. Just like the movies. Just that this time it kept occuring that it's me, it's me.

People no longer felt familiar. All I could see were human figures with surgical masks and gloves. They push me into a room. There was a metal table. I was shifted onto that. There were big lights. They asked my name, my weight and all. They checked my hospital tag.

And again I was rolled to the next room. This time the surgery room. The surgeon came up to me and smiled. Said everything was gonna be ok.

I was saying the only psalm I knew. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shalt not be in want. He makes me lie beside still waters..

They stretched out both my arms as though I'm gonna be nailed on a cross. And straped them. After that they started inserting needles and sticking wires. Felt a sharp pain right across my wrist.

Even as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..

I was some nurses standing patiently watching me. And there were some who were busy setting everything up. The two surgeons were chatting with one another. Just another day of work for them.

Suddenly a nurse took a mask and placed it into my nose and mouth.

'Breath in' she says.

I took a few breathes. Hey, still not yet knocked out also.

Last thing I saw was a face with a surgical mask..

'Wake up, Joshua.'

Woke up seeing the surgeon's face again.
And a sharp pain where the surgeons cut me up.

It took one and a half hours.

Thank you for those who msg-ed and called and said a lil prayer for me.

There was peace in my heart throughout the whole process.

You know, once you experienced it, it's something so totally different.

Sometimes we can have everything in our lives planned out so nicely. I have a 'new home' waiting for me back in USJ. Gigs coming up next month. A band to fly with. A career I just stated pursueing. Even a new leadership role in church...

But life can be so fragile.

And all these doesn't matter anymore. Thank God what I had was nothing cancerous.
And you start to realise that what's on this earth is not so important anymore.
And you question yourself, what are you doing all these for?

Lives.Lives.Lives.

Not money. Not a bigger car. Not another project. Not even a better future.

The first thought that came into my mind when I realise I had a growth.
' This is not happening to me.'
I was in a state of denial. Felt like it was a dream.

The after-life. Where do we go after this. Where what we've worked for so long will have to be left behind.

Lives. We have to reach them and let them know. We have to.

Listen to me.

Ja.

M.O.V.E

Speaking of moving from my previous post, YES, I'm moving/shifting to a new place. For those who don't know or perasan or didn't bother to ask, I'm currently staying at 48,USJ 2, 2/r. I stay with 3 other housemates, one of them Ee Lane from MMU. Altogether 2 guys and 2 gals. 1 of them is working with Toyota. The other at a job hunting agency at Taipan. The house has 5 bed rooms. I'm guessing my room was 'created' or partitioned cos the owner was looking to rent out the house.

Since no one thought of dropping by to look at it for the past 3 months I've stayed here, I'll jz explain the house verbally here. It's not in a good condition actually. It has no fridge, no cooking stove, no washing machine, no tv. The living room is just a sofa and a lot of 'junk' piled up at one corner. Nobody really eats at home, so the kitchen is just a cabinet with the cookery stuff. No food there either. The backyard is quite a disgrace. Lots of junk again. And quite dirty.

Upstairs the masterbedroom is empty. Apparently nobody thought of looking for someone to fill it cos everyone was using the masterbedroom's bathroom. Yea. Weird? Well, look at the secondary bathroom and you'll agree with me. :P The parquet is terrible. Termites are having a feast the owner's still turning a blind eye. If your feet is sticky, maybe you could have competition with your housemates 'plucking' the parquets. hehe. Oh. I'm expert in sticking back parquet now btw. Any help in your house? gimme a call. F.O.C. :P

My room has a weird shape. It's squarish, with a small 'pathway' leading to a small window. So, it is really hot and stuffy. Ventilation only coming from a small window far from everything else. I couldn't sleep once before cos it was too freakin' hot. Went to work looking like this--> @_@.

But the thing which I didn't like about the house, was that it had a Thai idol sitting right in the living room. The very first day I walked into my room, there was a chinese/siames poster with chant words pasted on the wall. I yanked it off immediately. I didn't really feel eerie of anything, just that we know that behind every idol, there is a spirit. Since it's not my house, I couldn't do anything about that idol there.

One thing's for sure, I have really nice housemates. And I really feel bad not having much time spent with them. Really did make it a point to makan dinner with them at least once a week. I've never get to spend the weekends with them before cos of so much 'holy' activities..keke.
That's why for this last week I made it a point to spend 4 out of 5 nights with them. I'll miss my 'little' friend, ee lane too. hahaha. It's really a relief to have someone appreciate the same kind of music I'm into. Yep. Believe me, when I was staying with my AS kaki in pg, everyone complained that mild bands such as Green Day and Simple Plan were 'heavy metal' and 'disturbing'. (to quote them in hokkien--> 'sim luan') Know what they listen to? Celine Dion.
Yea you heard me right. I had to endure the torture when all of us were in one car, and they were actually blasting and singing along with ' My heart will go on'. Felt as though they were almost gonna start holding hands and tears gonna flow or something. Imagine these people with hokkien trash words spewing out of their mouth every minute doing this.. Just amazing huh?

Anyway, I'll be shifting in come November. It's at USJ 12. (Can't remember the exact address)
Didn't really expect to shift in at all. It had been occupied for the past..10? 15? years..And I wasn't so keen to shift in cos really happy with the location of the current house. It's near church and work-friendly. But only after 2 months that I worked in KL, the tenant decided to call it quits suddenly after using it for so long. Took me a while to make the decision, but I took it as God opening the door, so, yea I'm shifting in. Managed to pull in 2 extra baggage, Gim and WL. haha. Hoping that it will be a proper house, not like the previous want. I know it's a little early to say this, but deep in my heart, this house is always open to friends at anytime, any day, literally.

I don't know why I'm not yet so excited about the whole ordeal. Maybe I will when tomorrow comes. Or maybe I haven't seen the magnitude of it yet. Or maybe I'm just too darn sleep right now. heh. It's almost 3 months now. Felt like a bullet. Probation period's gonna end. And I still feel like in a transition. As though I've still not settled down. so many grey patches in my life right now. so many areas unexploered. so many fragile areas. Sometimes I do the best I can, and I'm uncertain whether it was too much, or not enough. Or was it in vain. All I can say is I'm giving it my best shot. Everything within me. And hope for the best.


I came across this while 'working'. Thought it might be a good way to end this posting.

Enjoy.

Ja.

College Entrance Exam :For Football Players
	You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify. 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d) Swedish (e) Agnostic 5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate) 8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (C) NORTHERNERS 9. Spell -- CAT, DOG, PIG 10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five. EXTRA CREDIT: Using your fingers, count from 1-5.

Move Along

A brand new pair of Vater XD-5B Sticks.....RM 35.00

Brand new Vater drum stick holder I've been looking for the past 1 year....RM 44.00

Brand new Stagg cymbal SH 15" thin crash....RM 190.00

Brand new Ritter cymbal bag...RM 52.00

Watching Agnel using my new cymbal and drumstick holder for AF during Far Out Worship...........Priceless.


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Move Along.
Move on.
Forward. Whatever you call it. It's been on my mind for a couple of weeks now. We can't stay stagnant in our thinking. We shouldn't still have the same mentality. We shouldn't be facing the same problems we used to face.

Maturity.

I'm yearning every bit of it.

1 month ago after church service I felt so strongly in my heart God telling me to grow up. And I just said this simple prayer' Lord, I'm working adult now. No more a student. Time for me to grow up. Change my thinking. Change my mindset. Stabilise me. Keep me rooted. I wanna move forward.'

Since then, I absorbed every teaching and opportunity to learn and grow like a sponge.

How?

I asked for wisdom...

He taught me, the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord..

I wanted so many things so badly...

He taught me preparation is even more important than the prize itself..

I tried to do everything my way, myself..

He taught me, that actually, acttttually if you sit down and reflect, everything is about Jesus..

I was frustrated of my incapabilities, I wanted to soar...

He taught me to be faithful in little things, something which I found that I can't even keep up..

And finally, I was earnestly seeking Him, what is it which He wants me to do with this life...

He gave me a calling...and I'm slowly realising it...

I'm still so far away from maturing. But I wanna. I wanna. Little by little.

I see my friends around me. I admire them. You guys who are reading this. Yea I know some of you read my blog. :) You told me so. Some of you have grown so much in just a little time. It's awesome. The way you handle pressure and difficulties. Really a grownup. Kudos. :)

I recently realise that people who don't share much have lesser friends. Less people to care for them. Less people who are concern.

I wonder how you do it. I admire you. It was a nice chat.I felt that I could identify with you in some way. You're doing great.

gtg now.

Ja.

Boy Bands

Yea you see it. These are the 'boy bands' I'm into this time. Once it used to be..




Plus others I guess. These are the ones I can distinctively remember for the moment. I still like em' all, but I guess my taste of music has moved on to a different genre. I like to call it 'emo' and 'screamo' music. Yea, usually people think that 'emo' music is sorta like a song with slow or moderate tempo, coupled with simple high notes guitar rifts which rely heavily on guitar effects, the singer is singing in some falsetto, mumbling some poor-me lyrics and probably lost in space or sesat somewhere, and the other members are also lost in space la. yea. All sesat somewhere along the song. haha.

Emo is nothing like that. Go read the links. It's sorta like hardcore punk. Yea. Lazy to explain.haha. Screaming and melodic guitar rifts. Yeah. That's what I into. Crazy solid , fast drum and bass playing. Nothing beats it.

One thing you will find common in all the bands I mentioned above:
They give really kick-@ss live performances. Yup. I always support and like bands who give their all.

I always....always wish it was me in it everytime I see them go.


I wonder will it be the same with what I'm about to do.

Will it come to this one fine day?



Not for my name. but only for Yours.

Anyone has any bands you wanna intro? Btw, the first pic is the band Taking Back Sunday. Not bad, though not my top choice. :p

*xiang nian che ni*

Ja.

Speed

I've been logging on to the blogger website a few times now, wanting to blog on something which has been brewing in my heart, churning on my mind, digesting in my soul. Not a day goes by without me thinking about it, and praying about it as well. Not a sermon or Sunday service passes by without me feeling that God is patiently prompting and guiding me towards that direction.

Thing is everytime as I get ready to whack the keyboards to blog it out, I felt that I still needed to understand it a little bit more, and to be patient and wait upon the Lord for more words, more lessons. It's like it's better to wait a little while longer for a cup of tea to brew completely than to rush in and pour a luke warm one.

So..

Today I shall talk about what happen to me this morning on da way to werk.

In case you don't know, let me help you do the math

Month of Ramadan= Awakening of the Fishermen.(Police bangun)
Fisherman ready to fish = Fish don't swim to fast.
Fish swim slower than 100kph=Turtle overtake.

Yes, it's the time of the year where you actually take note of the speed limit and actually adhere to it. HAHa. Don't know the speed limits lehh..Kesas = 90kph. Federal = 80kph. YES. No kiddin'. Aaand, yes that also counts using the usual roads around KL and not only limited to PLUS highways.

Why I so kuai? Believe me, the first day of puasa month, I've already witnessed to 'fishermen' on da job. I can't afford to pay for any samans. So.. What to do...Follow speed limit lor.

It's been 2 weeks since I drove and watch cars as small as kancil whiz me by as if I was stationary.

But today...was the ultimate test...

Kesas Highway. 90-95kph. Keep it under 100kph , dude. Fly FM was on air.
As I was just keeping cool and everything, suddenly on my left, a dude wearing sunglasses 8am in the morning, and..driving a jaguh.( malaysian bike)...started overtaking me inch by inch on the left. Actually, it was a funny sight. HAHA. His bike was like roaring like crazy, trying his best to cut me, and here I was trying to keep it slow. WAHAHa.

And that's not the best part.

Earlier on a white kancil whizzed me by, and as he passed, I noticed who was the driver.

An ah pek wearing a songkok and moustache.

He overtook me, took a turning into the left( i think it was shah alam turning) , and disappeared.

Fine.

After the motorcycle dude incident, shortly after that I noticed another white kancil behind me. He came up behind me, and overtook me like any other car.

I took a look at the driver.

Same ah pek wearing a songkok and moustache.


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Either in this world there are two identical ah pek's wearing songkok with moustache driving a white kancil...

or I was driving that slow and that ah pek happened to be a speed demon..

or God decided to play a joke on me.

Thank you God, for using a moustached ah pek with songkok to teach me the meaning of patience.

Yes, I know, laugh all you want.

HAHa.

Ja.