Mission Accomplished

T'was a good 4 days spent in cyber. Glad to meet so many ol' folks back. heh. Quite happy to be back at church. oh ya. Top 3 responds I get from church people:

' You've lost weight?'
' You're back great!! Thank Gaawwd!! We need DRUMMERS BADLY!!'
' Hey. Long time no see. You've been away?'

heh. Anyways, really satisfied to be able to accomplish the 3 things I wanted to do at cyber: shift my stuff back, first jamming session and a good time spent wif my fyp supervisor.
Hmm..some random thoughts are going through my mind now...here goes....

Sometimes it's funny how people are closer and more friendlier to you when you're going away somewhere or just came back from somewhere far away. The in-between period, it's as if you don't exist to those people. heh. Correct me if I'm wrong. Don't get me wrong. Really enjoyed the 'goodbyes' and 'welcome back's'. But after that, sometimes I get the feeling if I were to get kidnapped or get killed nobody would noticed I guess. hah. Something which I should learn too.

Again it's really fun to hear that people read this blog. It's like when I talk about something about myself, I've met people who said' Hey, I heard that somewhere before. Oh ya. I read it in your blog.' heh.

This final semester, the one thing I which I HOPE I can do, it's to cut down on keeping my eyes glued to my computer and spend more time with friends. Really feel like I have been wasting my precious uni life away getting my eyes glued to my pc and not hanging out and talking with people around me. Sometimes I think this is the problem why I'm not close to that many people.

Hmm..just checked out the actstream list for february. The thing about my church is if you're gone for a while, you'd have to start from square one again. Which meant I'm not listed for drums at all, but I have to start from choir again. Probably it's the right thing to do, but it's kinda frustrating too. It usually happens like that during sem breaks too. It's like I'm gone for a few weeks, then I'm back to square one again. And when I manage to break into the team again, a few more weeks later the sem break comes again. sighz.

Church has moved forward so much that I felt like an outsider. It's not only new people, but...I dunno how to explain it. I get the feeling that I'm so far behind...

How long does it take to make really good friends? Does it always have take like 4, 5 years? Cos I have this feeling that whenever I actually bonded with the people around me, it's time for us to move on again. And it's really heart breaking.

Will I feel loneliness again? I never experienced it before I went to penang, and never thought that one day I would too...

That day when we had a nice lil 'session' with a few friends, we raised our glasses and toasted. And I said ' here's to remembering this moment, if we have to part ways in the future, here's to having friends around and enjoying one another'. Haha. I didn't really said all that lar. Maybe something like that. But I really meant it and sealed that moment in my heart. Maybe it's because I've completely lost touch with my best friends in my secondary school days, and it sorta makes me think I might lose touch with my close uni friends in the future.

Am I different from person the behind this blog and me in person? I hope not. Sometimes, I just wanna be close to someone, he or she doesn't allow me to step into their life. Sometimes, chances come by, and I missed it. Sometimes, chances don't come by at all. Sometimes, you realized that the person behind the blog and the real person are totally different. And it confuses you.

I realized that I'm better at developing songs than writing songs. Give me a simple tune and lyrics, and I can visualize the outcome of it with everything in it. And I quite enjoy it. Spent like a few hours working on someone's new song *ahem* sitting in front of the piano with a guitar strapped around me, jotted down everything that went through my mind. Haha. Dunno wheter it'll turn out ok or not. Blek.

Eyes communicate a lot. Sometimes one look can mean 'I miss you'. Sometimes one look can mean 'why are you doing this?' Sometimes one look can mean 'would you comfort me?' and sometimes, one look can mean' you mean nothing to me.'

Sighz. Just wanna do one last thing. For the next 4 months:

Here's to finally finishing my life as a student and coming out;

Here's to having a fantastic and awesome time with you guyz, whether were we really close or we're just 'hi' and 'bye' buddies;

Here's to Amplify, may we soar higher and achieve our dreams, make awesome music;

Cheerz everyone.

The music I like

Hmmm..was just wondering why I like the music I like...and also why I chose drums of all the instruments....kekeke...This is generally...music that I like..lemme see...mainstream ones...yellowcard...blink...red hot chilli peppers...hoobastank...3 doors down...alter bridge....dream theatre( ok only) ....simple plan...foo fighters...switchfoot( only certain songs)..greenday..not so mainstream ones....anberlin..paramore...finch( starting to like a bit)....I guess there's many more I missed out..

The music that I mentioned above...don't really know what genre it is...punk? pop punk? punk rock?

I just like the sound of the guitars....when they go into distortion...the aggresiveness and energy they suddenly bring into the song...it brings out the character and mood of the song...pumps you up with adrenaline...the way rifts and solo leads makes your heart beat faster and skip a beat...

I like the sound of the drums...the way it brings life into the song....the way it carries the song on its shoulders and the way it enhances and magnifies the message of the song....it amazes me how every instrument is dependent on the drums....the foundation of every band and every song....every musician knows the heavy responsiblities of the drums...as if, if the drums is doing well, 50% of the song is already completed....

I like the sound of the bass guitar...the way it knits and ties all the musicians together....the way it also connects every element of music together to make it become one....and how it feels up the empty spaces within...I always feel the bass is the invisible hero....some sort like something not so glamorous but contributing a lot...the unsung hero....usually drummers appreciate bassist more than anyone else....would have been a bassist if I haven't taken up drums..:p

I like the sound of the vocal singer...the way it is the soul of the band and the song....the way it breathes life unto the song...and completes the whole masterpiece of a song....the way it brings meaning and humanity into a song...the way it bridges the connection between instruments and humans....and sometimes..the way it can be so powerful to even change the thinking of humans...and maybe the attitude too...just awesome..:)

Know why I like bands so much? Cos I'm fascinated by how different instruments...with so many different roles to play..are able to come together and make music...really satisfying...and even more....every musician has his or her own style..own personality in the music they play...it's even more amazing how everyone can blend their own style together into making one style...maybe it's like rojak....but really sedap rojak..hahahah...i think my example really lousy..blek...

Why I chose drums? I sometimes wonder if the choice of instruments for every musician reflects his or her personality? Dunno. heh. I like drums cos I like the solid, define sound it makes..and its loudness and clearness....and the way it's the foundation of the song or band....where everyone builds on it.....it has to be like a solid rock...if not it'll bring the whole band down together with it....dunno..i think it's my own opinion..heheh....the above reasons are why I like the drums I guess...can't get enough em'.

soree ar..my posts a lot concerning music wan. sighz. I wish I could make money doing stuff concerning music in the future...but to be realistic...dont' really think so...started looking for jobs at job street already...If anyone like see this : Full time drummer needed. Basic salary RM 2,500, not counting OT, with a chance of increase if album does well. Flexible hours. Benefits include health insurance...etc....contact me ok? :D:D haha.

What If's and Maybe's

Today I had a chance to take a detailed tour around USM with a friend I made not long ago. We went round almost every building of the place and she managed to explain lotsa stuff. Man, the place is HUGE. So many buildings for everything, and the hostels looks awesome. 2 to a room, unlike ours. Really impressed, especially with their new hostels, which makes our cyberia looks like a cheap kindergarden. haha.

I started thinking....

Initially, before I made up my mind for coming to MMU, I was really geared for local uni's. I targed UTM, worked my way through SPM and my co-curiculums, for the required activities to get in. But I was ony offered advance diploma, so I scraped it and came to MMU.

Thing was, I started to ask God, why did He place me here in MMU.

Cos, after spending 3 months here, and going around the local Uni's I really felt my life would be totally different from what I am now if I were to be here at penang, USM.
Maybe, because of the culture here, I would have been more hardworking, and probably I'd get better results, results that I'm proud of.

Maybe if I was here before, my campus ministry would'nt been much different. After talking to my friend here, they have a strong CF here with an regular attendance of 100 people. They have big evangelistic meetings, and have strong support from FES. Really glad that they're doing great.I'd probably would be very much involved too.

Just another what If's . Maybe I wouldn't be single too if I was here earlier. Dunno. Don't really wanna elaborate on that. Just some feeling I get. hah.

Everything's so self contained here. Everything's provided and convenient. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I regret not coming here, or I really feel at home here. It's just that I felt that my life maybe, would be better if I'd come here in the first place. But, God decided to put me in KL, cyber. And now I'm trying to find out why...what is it that God wants me to experience that He has to place me in KL, in a environment where I needed time to get accustomed to.

I started thinking...and questioning.....

And still ...huh..I can't find the answers...

Maybe He wants me to be in Acts Church. Maybe He has big plans for me in that church....
Maybe He wants me to get used to KL life.....maybe there's where my future lies...
Maybe my future has something to do with the friends I have now...

Sighz. There can be hundreds of 'maybe's...

Lord it's really frustrating that I don'tknow the answers. It's really frustrating that I felt that I could have a better life if I was here in the first place. Why did you bring me somewhere else? What is it that you want me to experience? My only comfort is that You are Lord over my life, and you know best what's good for me. Lead me on Lord, and stay with me.

Well, let's put that subject aside...

Don't wanna make a big entrance...But just wanna say that I'm coming back to cyber, finally after more than 3 months away this coming Friday. Can't wait to meet some people. ;) I don't know whether I'll come back a different person. If yes, I hope it's for the better, not the other way round. This 3 months have truly enriched my life with many things. It's my final semester. My final semester as a student. The end of my colorful uni-life.

I start the final semester differently this time. Funny huh. Usually I don't really care what to achieve or have any goals starting of semesters. But this time it's so totally different. My goals and visions are crystal clear. And I know what I want. Hopefully I can achieve those.

Just met this new guy from the church here. So sad I can't meet up with him anymore. Man, so happy, cos he's a total punk-rock-emo band fan!!! He loves yellowcard, blink, sum41, good charlotte, my chemical romance, switchfoot, all these stuff man!!!! Even recommended fall out boys to me. He knonws a lot about every band members, their songs, what background they come from, how they film their MTVs!! MAN!! Had a nice 2 hour chat. He's real informative. And he's like 28 and working as a IT specialist at some company here. heheh. Finally found ' ka-ki-lang'( same member) here man!! Oh yea a BIG THANK YOU to the EPCC church people here who belanja-ed me at this farewell dinner!! Really had a great time~:D

K la. I've been going on and on like an old man. Getting old d. Till I see you guys soon, ciaoz and take care.

* looking forward to seeing you*

All Star Dream Band

Hey you rockers from the music world out there!! Just felt like this. You know like in NBA they have an All-star playoffs? And in football they have an All Star XI charity game type thingie? Well, suddenly felt that if it's applied in the music world, what would be your dream band? It's like combination of your favorite musicians and vocalist from different bands, but put together like an All-Star band. :D Here's mine. Feel free to gimme back yours if you're free. :)

Drummer : Travis Barker ( Blink 182)

Bass : Flea ( Red Hot Chilli Peppers)/ John Myung ( Dream Theatre) ( I can't choose between them la. Luv em' both :P)

Guitarist 1 : Mark Tremonti ( Alter Bridge) ( lead and rifts)

Guitarist 2: Joseph Miligan ( Anberlin) ( rifts. Yup. Anberlin plays one of the best rifts around )

Keyboards: Jordan Rudess( Dream Theatre. win hands down)

Vocals : Pierre Bouvier( Simple Plan) / Ryan Key( Yellowcard)
Vocals( girl) : Hayley Williams( Paramore) ( damn keng...)

Training's ending soon. One of the things I'll really miss doing here, that is SHOPPING WITH GIRLS!! haha. Since coming here, I can safely say that all the shopping I've done here, is done with the company of Su Chen, Su Lin and Esther. Kung Lim did join us a few times. Shopping with girls is so totally different with guys. If you go around with guys, we can like finish the whole complex in 15, 20 mins. yep. Cos we usually don buy stuff unless like we ABSOLUTELY need it. It's like we don have any underwear left to last the next day, then we'll buy. hehehe. If not we'll just breeze by everything. :D

But shopping with you gals is really fun. I mean. You really can't walk in front of a girl during shopping. One second they're there, then...you turn your back again...POOF!! Hilang somewhere d. Girls can sniff out the best buys. And words like 'SALE' or ' STOCK CLEARANCE' are just like a kinder phrases for ' COME BUY ME FASTER OR I'LL FINISH D' . hehe. At first I wasn't used to walking into almost every shop lot with the gals. For me usually, 1 floor is usually at most 3,4 shop lots I'll pop in and pop out. But no such thing for girls. hehe. Now I'm getting the hang of it. Was a bit bored at first. The trick is get involve with the girl's shopping. Ask what they're getting. Give some comment. A lil tip for you guys out there. You'll enjoy it. They'll enjoy it even more. :D

Out of the many shopping trips I've made, I've gotta say today was the best. YAY!! :D Went for the 'must-get-glorious-poppiah-with-laksa-soup' makan with su chen and kung lim. hehee. I only took them once last week, and since then it has been playing tricks in their mind, making them craving for moreeee...hahaha...some exaggeration. Then we went shopping!! The two best pals to go shopping with are su chen and kung lim!! serious!! We did a try-everything-but-don't-buy-it spree. heheheh....It's really fun. Tried on everything. su chen wanted to buy sunglasses. So we went from shop to shop trying sunglasses. It's like the movies, when someone tries on something the other squints, and vice versa. We went to PDI to just try on some nice shirts. I became like some model for su chen. hahaha...probably sizing up what it would look like on Joash. Oh yea. Su chen can fish out the best stuff just from a bunch of clothes. I was pondering on some t shirts, then suddenly she just came by, fished out the last pair of a real nice design I fell in love with straightaway. KENG!! I didn't know when I enjoyed myself shopping the last time. :D

And Kung Lim. You just hafta have him man. The most enthusiastic person I've ever met. Really fun joking around with him. And real ah beng!! Hey, I've met my counterpart!! HAHAHA!! And when you see him like suddenly real quiet and like no semangat anymore, you know it's time for his time to recharge. Yep. It's time for his daily ice-cream intake. :P After that, he's back to himself again. hehehe....Got myself a t shirt and some ornaments su chen helped pick out. and a 'surprise'. :P oh ya. thanks, su chen and su lin for the wonderful birthday gift. It's lovely. :D


Well, that's about shoppings here. My internship is coming to an end. I came here wanting to try out something new. Wanting to taste life outside CF. Outside church, to an extend. Outside my usual circle of friends. I did venture out pf my comfort zone.

And boy did I get hurt. And I hurt others as well. My walk with God didn't go well too. I'll be honest here. Went through patches in life that I haven't went through before. Experienced loneliness, brokeness, and relationships. People say nothing venture, nothing gain. True. Except that they don't really define gaining what. Gaining could be gaining tough patches and difficult moments too.

Today, when I look back. I realized something. And that is without God in my life, I would go insane. I'd lose control. And it's harder to be closer to Him, here when you're working and in a totally different environment during uni. I realized I was so protected before. And if I don't watch out, I'd lose myself, even God. And the wost thing to happen to let loose of God even before you knew you already did.

When I look back, actually God was there all the time. And He actually had the answers to my problems everytime. It was right in front of me. It's just that I chose not to look at it. How blind I was. Jesus loves me. I didn't love Him back then. And maybe, now in some way I know how that feels like.

Sighz. maybe I'm blogging in riddles. hopefully you guys understand what I'm saying. It's just that, for me, after taking one big circle, I finally come to a conclusion that, without God, I cannot survive in this world. Before I can even think of making a new career, starting a relationship, settling down some where, I need to set one thing straight. That is, I need to walk this path holding His hand. Waiting for Him. Trusting Him. Because, whatever that we do, career, relationships, anything.....as long as God smiles upon it, it would be perfect. It would be beautiful. And things will just fall into place. I'm not saying that it would be a bed of roses, I'm just saying at the end of the day, it will perfect. Simply perfect. :)

Running back to you.

All I'm Living For

by Planet Shakers

Here I am waiting for You
Here I am reaching out to You
I will run into Your arms again
And I'm longing for Your touch once again

Take my life, everything, all I am
An offering for You
Cause You're all I'm living for
Take my heart, all of me, I'm laying down
To worship You my God
Cause Your all I'm living for

Here I am waiting on You
Here I am reaching out for You
I will run into Your arms again
And I'm longing for Your touch once again

I will run into Your open arms
To Your love that washes away my fears
I am found deep in this mystery
Cause You're All I'm living for

Dancers of the drums

Recently I met up with an old, old friend of mine during a wedding. We chatted about so many things. And we go back such a long way. My best times during that time were with him and a few more childhood friends. One of the things that stayed strong in my mind till now, which I'll never ever forget, was performing with him in front of big crowd, playing and singing 2 songs. We sang Jesus Freak and In the Light by Jars of clay. I played and sang. Had a cordless mic around me. We played a year after that in the same youth concert. Our band. It was awesome.

I was 15. He was our bassist and vocalist.

We started chatting, and he asked wether I'm still in the 'band' business. I said I was. He wasn't. The question he asked was ' Do you see any future in this?' He asked , would it earn me money in the future? I said quite impossible. He replied, ' Then it's for fun?' And I said, 'self fulfilment.'
And he said' Then it's just a more sympathethic word for 'fun'.

I didn't disagree. Though it's enough to puncture anyone so gearing up for this business. All these, all my practices, all my money, all my effort....if there's no future, then is it only for fun? or 'self-fulfilment'?

Yes. I would say self fulfilment. self satisfaction. self joy. syok sendiri. Everytime I look at bands playing to crowds, everytime I see the crowd singing along, it stirs something within me. It adds fuel to the flame. And everytime I imagine and fantasize myself playing there, it's like seventh heaven.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I go for practices alone. I searched out the studio alone. Introduced myself to all the malays there. Went for practices with a bleeding broken toe. Went for practices when I 'm dead tired and it's raining outside. There's nobody waiting for me at the studio. Spent an entire afternoon and lotsa petrol trying to find a particular music shop. Went home disappointed. Took MC. Searched again. And found it at last. Forked out so much money.
My malay friends there let me jam there for free now. Not because I so 'friend friend' with them. But because they realized I'm not a 'play play one time jam oni' guy.

All by myself.

Yea, I think I'm crazy.

There must be something that drives me. Passion. Passion.

Passion.

I'm passionate. When I get really passionate about something. I do stuff like this.

My goal. My dream. Cos you see, I don't think it's so far away anymore. Each step is a step closer to it. I came to penang all fired up all this. After 3 months. I'm even more fired up. It hasn't died down at all. I didn't need much encouragement from anyone else. In fact, most people think I'm a dumbass engrossing myself into all these.

Do you know why I chose drums? Because if you look properly, whenever a good drummer plays the drum, it's as if he's dancing on it. Both hands and feet swinging, and the body rocking to the rhythm. Everytime before worship, whenever I prayed for God to help me play, I always felt God just saying ' Dance for me, my son.' :)

I wanna be a Dancer of the Drums. :)

24

I turned 24. yep. I'm 24. not 22, dear. :p

Thank You, for letting me live this far. For dying for me. For loving me. For giving me so much.
Thank You, that I have You.

Thank you, for your call right at the stroke of midnight. For giving me the only present I've received so far.Somehow when it rang I knew it was you. For so much more, and you know it. :)

Thank you, for your call too. :) For your ' How are yous'. For your concerns though you're so far away. For not giving up on me. Sometimes I remember your smiles. And you give it so generously. You're so sweet. :)

Thank you, you and you. Those who sms-ed me. Though it probably cost like 10 cents the most, but I appreciated it a lot. It brought a smile to my face. Each and everyone of it.

Thank you guys, for those who flooded my YM too. I replied everyone of them, I hope.

Thank you, for being my roomie. And my only roomie, ever. Haha. I remember those years when you were fed-up with your roomie that time, and you came down to my room red-faced all. Remember the times when we played Red Alert and we had to call each other just to get connected? One game probably cost us a few bucks in phone calls just to get connected. haha. Good times, good times.

Thank you, for the good times we had, when you held the guitar and I held the sticks. For laughters and tears. For being tolerant too, when I was being too direct sometimes. For brotherhood. For making me not look too bad with my results. :P :P :)) nah. Oh yea. Thanks for lending me your car too, sometimes. We'll have greater times ahead of us right?

Thank you, for this time I could share with you in penang. For the life you've shared with me. Thank you for arranging the awesome party. I'll always remember it. I'll always remember our laughters. Our frustrations. And even our 'sorries' to one another. You don't give up ok? :)

Thank you, guys. Though you guys won't probably read my blog, but just wanna say you guys gave me a 24-year-old's birthday all right. I'll never forget that night. One of the best nights of my life. (ok, they're my housemates.)

Thank you, too. For our lil' time at our company. For being there so that we could keep each other up to date with music. We go back a long way. I'm so glad that at least you're around. At least there's something to look forward to, during break time. ;)

OK, I've said all my thank you's already. I've made it quite obvious too, I hope. So, yea. You'll know its you when you read it. No, I'm not like gonna commit suicide after this so emo entry. :P
Just felt that I 'm so blessed to live till now. I had friends who didn't make it till where I am now. Stood next to their lifeless bodies. Birthdays are meant to celebrate life. That we've made it thus far. And we have so much to live for. 24 years have gone by. I'm not gonna let 24 more just slip away.

It's really wonderful how I've made friends with everyone of you guys. It's like so totally different for everyone, how I became close to you guys. Some of us bumped into each other. Some of us had to travel more than 300km. Some of us even started not liking each other. haha. anyways, I'll always hold memories of these in my heart forever. Yep, one day probably I'll move on. And you'll move on too, in life. But one thing doesn't, it's the memories we have together.

Memories, of life.

Cheerz, to you, you and you. :)

2006

seems like lotsa people are looking back at 2005, reflecting.. and looking forward to 2006. hmm..lemme see what I've learned in 2005

1.)
2.)
3.)
4.) .........

ok maybe another time. :P but perhaps I can say I've learned more during this 3 months of industrial traininig than throughout the year of 2005. Want me to list down? nah. lazy.

year 2006. few things to look forward for.

WORLD CUP!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha. but seriously, when I shade my eyes and try to look into this year, all I could see was uncertainty. the unkown. and I have to venture into it, wether I like it or not.

i see separation. and rebuilding. so much installed for me. good or bad. sighz.
usually i would look into the new year optimistically. but somehow reality is ...more real now. would i experience again what I went through during my stay here?

I hope I can soar and not crawl. Like I've been doing all this while.

Still, one thing's everlasting. One thing will never change. Dowanna sound so holy, but I really need Him. especially this year. especially, this year. Lord, don't ever let go of me.

I'll try not to...

anyways, one thing's for sure this year. At least I hope for the first half of this year. I'm gonna devote a big part of my life to this. It's this...





:) check out my new Pearl Eliminators double pedals!! :D:D searched the whole island for it, called in MC for work just to get to the shop( sshhhh...) , made friends with the tau keh. Finally, it's MINE!! Normal price is RM 1350. KL doremi only can give me RM 1200. But here, I managed to get RM 1050. hehe. so happy. It comes with a bag too. Till now, everyone who's not into music have scratched their heads thinking I'm such a dumbass by 'wasting' so much money on it. I don't really care. I don't know. It's my first big investment when it comes to music. After forking out the money, I really felt the need to move on in my life, in terms of being a drummer. It's like I keep thinking of improving. Becoming a whole new class of drummer from what I am now. haha. maybe it's just dreams. Went to studio jz now to try it out, buthen the boss had some emergency had to close the shop jz now. :( I'll try it out another day.

anyway, just a lil something which gives me a sense of comfort and makes me smile whenever I look at it....










remember our prayer group? :D






yo weeliem. our first 'gig' together. remember? :D looking forward to many more. ;)


:) .......:) ....





who says I don't miss you guys....