Excited

Excited and nervous is the word. Excited that I'm about to start a new chapter. A new phase. So much's gonna change. Was just chatting wif wl that day, we talked abt 'change'. I was asked this question, 'am I comfortable with changes?' Nobody's ever comfortable with changes...cos it takes effort to settling down again, effort to accept things differently and make it your own...but for me, it's not that I really like changes, but the thing is, I KNOW it's time for a change. Deep down. Time to move on. Just like I knew after form 5, that I didn't wanna do form 6, cos it's time for me to move on. Time for a new chapter. Same for my case now. Time to move to somewhere else. Out of cyber. To start afresh. To start anew.

Getting geared up and prepared. Been doing lotsa preparations these few days. Car insurance, personal insurance, selling my bike, working clothes, car servicing, so on....I'm going into real adulthood!! hehe...Gonna be totally independent from my family...No more burdens for them anymore..

People often ask me why kl? and I usually answer them' cos there's so much waiting for me there'... so much of wat? I'm not too sure myself..heh..but one thing is I'm waiting for God to use me..where I will be...it's fun and a joy to look at our worship roster and see your name there once again..keke...guess that's one of the things waiting for me I guess...looking forward to playing for Him again...since the last time I held my sticks and played my heart out was a few thousands miles away..:)

There's still much of the unknown...how would I fare in my work? how would I do in my church? among friends...what would it become.....will I lose touch with my friends...will I gain good ones....even a love interest...heh....what's it like to fall in love...would i ever find love...

I started to pack my bags today...be leaving AS for good in 2 days time...even as I started tucking and preparing my stuff...I got nervous with anticipation..I tried to picture what would life be like...as I enter the most important stage of a person's life...

I feel like I'm gonna miss my family. No more term holidays now. Just annual leaves and public holidays. Really treasuring the moments here..the conversations I have with my parents...my mom..and though they don't say it..but I know that they are happy that I decided to stay here as long as possible....parents always want their kids to be around the house...cos the time we can spent together now is limited.....

I guess this is gonna be my last post here for sometime till I get a connection when I start work or somehow. Tmr's gonna be a busy day getting prepared. Will be leaving here for my new life this saturday.

Ok. Enuff of the sentimental feeling. heh. Imagine a cartoon, where a country mouse puts his little clothing and a small piece of cheese onto a clothe, ties it up on a stick, and slings it over his shoulder. he puts on his little shoes. buttons up his shirt. took a deep breathe. hugged his family and said goodbye. he opens the door. and looks towards the horizon. and took his first step into the world. towards the setting sun. he smiled and said' future, here I come.'

Cheerioz.
Ja.

Stepping into the next chapter

Just received the compiled videos from our mission trip from mailed by our dear siew voon. I watched again, seeing people praising God, seeing people encountering God. It was powerful. Even just watching it from a screen, I could feel it..and I felt so blessed and touched..that God could use simple people like us for His purposes.

Finally it dawned to me, the main thing, the main message, God wanted to tell me throughout all this. It was sorta ringing in my ear, but I chose to ignore it, cos it wasn't an easy message, it wasn't something everyone wants to hear.

'Lord I give you my life, I give you my soul, I live for You alone'

I saw people responding to God through this song over there, I sang with it, I played to that song, but deep inside, something within me was resisting it..Giving your life..Giving your all...I knew God was demanding this of me..and it ain't something you can give so easily..so I chose to ignore it...especially at this moment of life...where you look around you...and you find people rushing..working towards 'success' in life...where long term plans are laid..plans to prosper..to have a good life...where money is becoming more influential...slogging up the corporate ladder to become recognise...there's always the temptation for one to 'grip' life as it is...to chase after what everyone's chasing after...and....forget Jesus...forget God....I'm not sure you're getting this..sighs..i'm not a good writer....I can't deny..there's a desire within me...to make it big .to be 'successful'.....probably everyone has the same desire I guess...God is telling me to surrender it to Him...all this while...it's so hard..but I have to...I have to...help me Lord...

........................................................


Stepping into the next chapter of my life..one month ago as I step down from the plane back from the Philippines, as I left behind the fond memories, stern reminders came flooding my mind right away...thoughts and worries of where will I go from there..so many obstacles..so many questions...

I had to turn to Jesus...I had to run back to God...

"How do you know whether the decision you're making is what God wants you to do?" I've asked many people that question..and not many could answer....but you know what ? God does answer you..for my case too....when you come to God asking where to go..He will give an answer sooner or later...how?

He didn't appear to me like paul..heh...but through my time seeking Him...he revealed certain things of me...and most importantly..He brought important people into my life to give me confirmation and assurance...He brought in Thomas, our old CF senior...I didn't have his number...but I got it from Nicholas Sim last semester when i 'accidentally' bump into Him wandering around in campus alone..didn't know why..but i just took down Thomas's number from him that day..and Thomas gave me so much encouragement..and cleared so much of my doubts and fears that made come to this decision....

God brought in my old' old neighbour friend..we were best buds during teen years..and I haven't meet him in ages...I decided to visit him that nite..and he gave me this website....to a job hunting agency....2 days later they had arranged 4 interviews for me and I was on my way to kl...before that I was using jobstreet..which had no one contact me for more than 1 week....and couldn't sniff out such good offers...

God gave my mom assurance during church last week..she was real worried abt me taking this decision...but my mom encountered God in a special way...and finally she 'released' me..with her blessing..which I was praying so much for...

God prepared for me a place to stay...in a place where I wanted to...USJ 2...all I had to do was one phone call...and everything was ready....a nice place..single room..and cheaper than what I expected.....

When people say God opens and closes doors, He really does. Still finding out where to go? Why not ask God for directions? :)

................................

I need prayer.

If you're reading this, and you're quite free, do help me out, pray for me :)

This is a frontline job. I carry the name of Christ..especially when I meet people...

Pray for me..that I have..
Integrity...
Honesty...
Favor....
Wisdom...

And most important...

that I always, always walk in the fear of the Lord...

thanks a bunch. :)

Highlights and Updates

Ipoh trip. Made a 2 day 2 nite trip to Ipoh. It was fun. Hmm.lemme see what did we do...

Astro...discovery channel...punk'd...

home-made-grilled lamb chops by samuel..

frying veggies with Charis at the kitchen..

mash potatoes and garlic bread..yum....

laughing..chatting....

durian..YES...we had durian smell in the house throughout the trip..keke

pirates..aGaiN...heh..

Astro...more astro...

wee liem complaining his stomache system hancur-ed..

dim sum...

bowling....snooker...and....KARAOKE!! heheh...you know those small booths which have a karaok machine inside which can only fit like max 3 ppl? yeah. 7 went in. we sang YMCA and Rock DJ. heheh..I always thought those booths were only for losers who can't sing and form their own band..but whady'a know..heheh...

hmm wat else....more astro...yeah..we basically bREAThEd Astro...feel like a monkeys worshipping the almight Astro...haha...

pasar malam...oh...they sold CHAO TAO FOO( stinking tao foo)...we thought..at least..I thought I had the guts and will to try one...popped one in my mouth oh-so fearlessly...

and...

.........


WAHHH!! BAD! BAD TAO FOO!! BAD TAO FOO!! feels like I just swallowed someone else's barf!! &*%^%^&%^&!!! BAD!! it stinks so bad...it tastes bad...it's just BAD!! I had to spit it out..talk abt fear factor....I lost it...hahah....how do ppl eat this? and even worse, make a busines out of this?? crazy ppl....luckily it was wee liem's 2 bucks. haha..should've seen his face...hahah..priceless...it;s like a mixture of diahorrea and vomit altogether...muahahah...

priceless time spent with ppl...it was a wonderful chat..:)

and many more...I had a good time...not only because of the activities..but mainly cos of the people..feel so blessed to open up my circle of friends...I sincerely hope that we could maintain it this way...

Updates. ok.

starting work 1st August. Working in Klang. What else? hmm..looking for a place to stay at usj/subang. if anyone knows of any vacancy, do let me know ya. :)

working on 2 songs. 1 secular, 1 christian. tune and melody mostly secured. but i can't come up with the lyrics. everytime i take up the pen, feels like i'm cranking my head trying to write a karangan during secondary school days. heh. words and lyrics wise, i'm not tat good in it. :(

i miss drums. :( i miss playing music. :(

got my a** whipped while playing badminton with my church uncles. came back tired like a pig. these uncles play placing, make u run all over the court. heh. kudos to the uncles. damn keng.

i miss some ppl already. :(

Life

Was at pg yesterday and today wif benny, wl, 'oh mai khan kevin', wai choong. we went EPCC. we ate. and we ate. and we ate some more. twas a 'fulfilling' makan trip. heh.

everyone is moving on. somehow. I am too I guess. Went for 4 interviews. Ended up with 3 offers. on the spot. Hmm..I can't help thinking is it a really that low requirement job or they really did like me? heh..Wat I'm doing? I'm going into sales engineering. May sound like a loser. I dunno. I've thought long and hard. I don't think I'm gonna change it. Had some really harsh comments from some people went I told them about it though. Some said ' sales engineering? where got future? tell me where can you go from there? if got future I would have been it long time already.' I didn't show it. But I was kinda hurt by that comment. It might be true. But it took me a lot of time and guts to make that decision. heh. whatever. dowanna justify myself here.


Interviews. I had 4 , in fact 5 in two days till I can almost predict the questions they're gonna ask you. There was a question asked by my interviewer that got me thinking till now. He asked' What is it that you want in life? What is important in your life? What do you consider a success? ' Try asking yourself this question, just with no time to think it through and one pair of eyes staring at you waitin for the answer. Honestly, try asking yourself this question. Don't give me the answers we're 'programmed' and taught to answer. etc: God, serving God..bla bla...think it through first.

I can't deny that there were a few times I imagined myself climbing the corporate ladder, earning big bucks...marrying a beautiful and wonderful wife, having 3,4 wonderful children...while still serving God in church..doing the normal things you see our church uncles and aunties do...life sounds good right? It this what I want in life?

Life's short. It hit me in the face when I was driving that day and we came along a funeral procession. They were 'walking the dead' for the final mile or something. I came to thinking..life...my life..how do you wanna use it? how do you wanna spend it? only one chance.

With this new job, will I be able to walk where God wants me to? sales. long nights. hard work. running around. how do I glorify God and live according to His will ? I don't wanna end up facing God in heaven one day, and say' erm..God..Hi. Sorry I forgot all about doing what you want me to do..erm...I made a million bucks though. I'm CEO of bla bla...'

.....................


On another note, it was good to be around friends in KL again. Or it was what I thought it would be. Everyone seems so near, and yet feels so far too. Maybe it's just me. Have you ever been in a situation when sometimes you try to enter a group or circle of friends, but upon seeing that they're so tight and close to one another, you just feel that it doesn't matter what you do, you'll never be able to get in? Maybe it's just me again. heh. And you're left with no one. Sometimes smiles and hugs don matter anymore. It's become something exterior. It's the interior that matters. I'm sick of it. maybe stepping out was a bad idea after all..


It was good having fresh faces during that two weeks in the foreign land...maybe it's what I should do now..a fresh beginning...free from the past...free from your past...free from..yeah..you too...


ciaoz.

the calling...?

'Everybody jump around
In the house of God
Hey, hey jump around
Everybdy jump around
In the house of God
EVERYBODY!'

Everytime I hear this song...my senses just comes alive....I get goosebumps all over...my mind races back to the day when we were jumping up and down...at Baguio, Philippines....rocking with our fellow christian brothers and sisters...rocking with Jesus...I remember the shouts...I remember the excitement....the craziness....to be honest...just before the concert..I was a nervous wreck..had butterflies in my stomach....never in my life...I had been so nervous before playing...even for church, even for battle of the bands...for any event in my 10 years of drumming, I've never felt so nervous...and now I know why..it was cos we, everyone of us were expecting for God to move that night...expectations where high...we could feel it..during prayer, faith was high..we were geared up....and my mind there was only one thought" I'm gonna rock and give my all for Jesus tonight. Everything I have. This is it."

that night we rocked all right. heh. And God didn't disappoint.

gonna share this with everyone. Initially we were supposed to go to Indonesia. But one of the reason we decided against it when we found out that they wanted us to hold a youth concert there. We thought" it's too big for us. We can't do it." We decided to go Philippines. heh. well, what d'ya know. We couldn't 'escape' what God wanted us to do all along. Youth concert came anyway. Couldn't say'no' this time.

When I heard of the news initially, I was all excited for it. Concerts are milestones in my life. All my teenage years, it's funny how God's been exposing me to youth concerts. Funny? yes, I'm from a methodist background. Hymns and no loud clapping in church. But somehow I'managed to attend a few pumpin' jumpin' concerts. Played in 2 myself. :D Yes, they are milestones in my life. Everyone concert and conference, I make new commitments to God. I take a step closer to God. I love it when you can go crazy in the presence of God. I love the concept that if ppl can party for whatever reasons, why not party because we have Jesus? That's why I'm a firm believer of christian concerts. It creates an opening for God to do whatever He wants to do with any individual.

Anyway,when I heard the news, I could visualize it. I imagined looking at the crowd, from my drums, seeing waves of faces bobbing up and down, seeing ppl lifting hands high..praising and worshipping God...well...it wasn't exactly as I imagined it..I was thinking of thousands of ppl..heheh..but...it turned out like this....




















Oh ya, I preached that night.:P


Deep down inside, I always feel that I have a calling into this. Somehow God confirmed it by sending me to Philippines. Now I know in the future, where my ministry lies. I'm not limiting it to just this. But for certain' this is gonna be one of them. Know something cool? I still get goosebumps and an adrenaline rush whenever I hear Christian rock songs. Cos I imagine me up there..dancing on the drums for Jesus...:)

Hmm..internet's getting slower...uploading speed cacated...was gonna upload some stupid pics we took..but nvm den...

Anyway, I'm slowly seeing a light through the tunnel. Starting to see where and what my future's gonna be like, after one week of praying, and deep pondering and questioning.

the calling...it's a call...u know it when it's called towards you...should you heed the call? should you turn towards it? :)

"You sent Your Son
From heaven to earth
You delivered us all
It’s eternally heard
I searched for truth
And all I found was You
My God
I’ll only ever give my all"

Fear

it's been 3 days since I've been able to go online. apparently some thieves stole the telecommunications cable for our entire neighbourhood. oh, that day was having dinner with my family at a hawker center when we watched live a snatch thief being caught and beaten up by the public. apparently he was trying to snatch a ladies hand bag but somehow the lady reacted fast and screamed, and the public came and caught the culprit. we watched from a distant, and when i went to check it out, saw our ikan bakar man punching the culprit in the face. hehe..was bleeding at his hands and head...some news from Alor Setar if anyone is interested..:P

anyway, since coming back, been spending a lot of time praying, and pondering...about my future..so many options...so many roads...so many decisive questions..prayin for openings...by officially yesterday, I'm the only one left in AS that's jobless. most if not ALL of my AS kaki have gone to pg to work...at first i was feeling the pressure from my parents...now i'm feeling it from my fwens....bascially there are 2 big questions which are hovering over me as I apply for jobs...
1.) where ? KL or penang?
where will I feel at home? where will I be that I can grow as a christian? that I can continue to mature? where will I be that I can serve God to my fullest? that I can feign for myself?


2.) what? engineer? or something else? management trainee? till now, should I settle for less pay and try something which I only THINK I can do well in...or should I try something with higher pay but I have no such confidence and no such passion ...


people say your first job is not very important...you can always switch...true...but your first job will always influence your 2nd job...and your 2nd job your third job...so important to start on the right track..

feeling fearful..and depress..:(...sometimes I think I have nothing to offer to the world...I'm not good in the stuff I study...I came into mmu bursting with confidence...but left it a small, forlorn figure...my grades are weak...I realize all our years of study, is for this moment...entering the not-so-friendly world of working, finding a way to live....am fearful that my working life would turn up like a mirror of my uni study life...no matter how hard I try...it just doesn't turn out the way you thought it would...uni life is only 5 years...working life......

...............

maybe I shouldn't think so much...heh....

hey...to you... my condolences to you, if you're reading this...hope you'll be ok..:)

ciaoz.

Back to Reality

Back home at AS again. Philippines mission trip? Don't think I'll blog much about it. hahah..it's not that nothing happen there. in fact, it's the opposite. too much has happen that I don't even know where to start and where to end...I'll just blog what things of the heart regarding the trip..and things I learned and hope to learn too...

I learned that...
Thanksgiving is the key to everything. We compare and complain too much. If there's a lot of trouble and difficulties, we questioned whether God is at our side. If everything's a smooth ride and everything's falling into place too easily, we start worry whether we are doing it rightly. heh. Just give thanks to God for everything. :)

I learned that...
God doesn't use ppl with skills and technique, or the popular people for His purpose. What He's looking for is a clean and pure heart. And serving heart, and an attitude that avails.

I learned that...
Sensitivity is the key during worship times. Some people are blessed with the gift of being able to discern where God is moving during worship, and flows with Him. Sometimes God just wants us to be still and silent...sometimes it's just time rock and party with Him...when and how? that's the difference between a good worship leader and an annointed worship leader. :)

I learned..
Much about team dynamics. A team functions well when it's hands are it's hands are it's feet are it's feet. Everything goes haywire when it's hands decide to talk, and ears decide to walk. Get what I mean? :)

I experienced..
Worshipping the same God among different people of different nations. Singing the same songs...doing the same crazy jumping....crying together...praying together....

I experienced...
God's favor from the good weather...to the overwhelming response during ministry times....protection...providence....

I saw..
smiles everywhere....even among the people who lived by the dumpsite...

and..

I played with kids. Prayed with them. Puppets, singing, games, ballons...laughter from kids...excitement...joy....doing 'superman' for some of them..:)...


I hope it all these doesn't just ends up as good memories. Wouldn't it be a waste if it's just good memories? I hope and pray all these will be a stepping stone for me...for something else...something bigger God has in store for me...

Back to reality now...sighs...having lotsa soul searching to be done...and lotsa football watching...hehe..

Take care, world.

Back to Reality

Back home at AS again. Philippines mission trip? Don't think I'll blog much about it. hahah..it's not that nothing happen there. in fact, it's the opposite. too much has happen that I don't even know where to start and where to end...I'll just blog what things of the heart regarding the trip..and things I learned and hope to learn too...

I learned that...
Thanksgiving is the key to everything. We compare and complain too much. If there's a lot of trouble and difficulties, we questioned whether God is at our side. If everything's a smooth ride and everything's falling into place too easily, we start worry whether we are doing it rightly. heh. Just give thanks to God for everything. :)

I learned that...
God doesn't use ppl with skills and technique, or the popular people for His purpose. What He's looking for is a clean and pure heart. And serving heart, and an attitude that avails.

I learned that...
Sensitivity is the key during worship times. Some people are blessed with the gift of being able to discern where God is moving during worship, and flows with Him. Sometimes God just wants us to be still and silent...sometimes it's just time rock and party with Him...when and how? that's the difference between a good worship leader and an annointed worship leader. :)

I learned..
Much about team dynamics. A team functions well when it's hands are it's hands are it's feet are it's feet. Everything goes haywire when it's hands decide to talk, and ears decide to walk. Get what I mean? :)

I experienced..
Worshipping the same God among different people of different nations. Singing the same songs...doing the same crazy jumping....crying together...praying together....

I experienced...
God's favor from the good weather...to the overwhelming response during ministry times....protection...providence....

I saw..
smiles everywhere....even among the people who lived by the dumpsite...

and..

I played with kids. Prayed with them. Puppets, singing, games, ballons...laughter from kids...excitement...joy....doing 'superman' for some of them..:)...


I hope it all these doesn't just ends up as good memories. Wouldn't it be a waste if it's just good memories? I hope and pray all these will be a stepping stone for me...for something else...something bigger God has in store for me...

Back to reality now...sighs...having lotsa soul searching to be done...and lotsa football watching...hehe..

Take care, world.